Saturday Night Loud
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: Here's a compilation of random Loud family one-shots where they get into random situations, usually from pop culture references and SNL. So if you want to see Luna as Nigel Tufnel from "Spinal Tap" or Lucy reenact "Celebrity Jeopardy", expect them here.
1. An EastWest College Bowl Situation

For the night, the entire Loud family, along with Clyde McBride as a slot filler for the 14-participant limit, participate in the annual Royal Woods Family Olympics. The tournament is both a physical and a mental obstacle course, more of a mashup of _Jeopardy!_ , _American Ninja Warrior_ and _The Amazing Race_ in an open era with foldable sets. So, it is a recall to the episode "Health Kicked".

Anyway, the host – a Ryan Seacrest wannabe who looks like the Topher Grace dude from _Total Drama_ – introduces to the audience, "Hello! Welcome to Royal Woods Family Olympics! And not the _Takeshi's Castle_ rip-off, as some Internet folks would point out. You know the drill, folks! The team who finishes all major tracks from earth, wind and fire – with all the wits and strengths you need – shall win the competition!" Insert the prominent features of the area, including artificial geysers, a giant inflatable slide, a classroom setting and leaping platforms.

The host continues, "Okay, let's introduce the three families. First up is the Loh-ud family."

With their cue, the Louds plus Clyde climb up to the stage with their arms raised in so much cheers. Lynn Sr. then takes the mic from the host overeagerly, "Thank you! I just want to say it's an honor to be here. I just want to thank that Uber driver for helping us fix our van. And for our sponsors…"

But before he could finish, the host takes back the mic. "Okay, so, can you introduce to your family?"

"Oh, I wouldn't mind." Lynn then introduces each of the Louds. "So, this is my wife Rita. And my kids Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa and Lily."

"And who's the other one?" the host asks about Clyde. "Is he your…?"

"He's a family friend," Rita clarifies.

"Oh…I thought…"

"Hey, the guidelines did say family friends included. And he's a family friend," Lynn Sr. justifies, with Clyde beaming back at the host.

The host of course is perplexed at this move, since it correlates to something from diversity and from a recent film about a man trying to get out from creepy Caucasians who trapped him. "Well, I wouldn't mind. Alright ladies and gents, let's not mind the context here, and let's move on to the next family. Here is the Sevigny family."

Cue the garish entrance from the rival family. They kind of do an impromptu physical exhibition that culminates in a striking pose. But immediately, the Louds notice a resemblance from them. "Is it me or is that family literally looks like us?" Lori points out. The Sevigny family truly has a close physical resemblance to the Louds. That includes a fourteenth member who looks just like Clyde.

"They kind of look the stunt doubles we hired?" Lincoln adds.

"Except they don't," Lynn Jr. adds as well.

The host approaches the father figure of the Sevignys. "Nice to see your family this active, Mr…"

"Sevigny. Severus Zephyr Sevigny the Seventh," the father says in a suave way. "And my wife, Suzanne Zelda Savannah Sevigne-Sevigny."

"Well, that's too much S's."

"It was inherited from Cambridge royalty," he brags.

"Great! And so your family?"

"Let them introduce themselves..."

At his word, the eldest one, who looks exactly like Lori and sounds like her, starts off their introduction, "Elizabeth Berkley Lauren Sevigny, 17 years old."

Then the second child, who has the likeness of Leni, takes her turn. "Elizabeth Wyler? Tyler? Styler? Shyler?" Just like Leni, she is clueless in every way, even to her own name.

Her older sister coaches her in a whisper, "Your name's Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton Sevigny, kay?"

With that, the sister finally gets a clue about her name, "Oh right. My name's Kay Sevigny. 16 years old. Bow."

Her older sister's facepalm gesture says it all.

After that debacle, the Lynn-like sister, complete with a pumped-up body and jogging attire, introduces herself, "'Not' Lady Elizabeth Rose Mimsicles Sevigny, 13 years old."

Then, the Lisa counterpart in a lab coat and proper hair fixture proudly takes her turn, "Dr. Mary Shelley Elizabeth Sevigny MD.-PhD. Esq."

Afterwards, the Lana counterpart in her muddied suspenders and wrench prop introduces herself, "Deborah Natalia Ann Stephanie Tabatha Elizabeth Etta Sevigny. But call me 'D'NASTEE' for short. 6 years."

Then her twin sister, the Lola counterpart, who is more a stylish sweetheart instead of a beauty queen, takes her turn. "Ingrid Natalia Shae Tatiana Yessenia Lupita Elizabeth Sevigny. 6 years old. And I believe in the saying originated by Mark…"

Her beauty pageant-inspired speech is interrupted by the Luan clone from the Sevigny family. "Queen Elizabeth Catherine Sevigny. Or Yas Queen. 14 years old. Live in The Orpheum. Holla!" But they are quickly dragged away by the show's crew.

What comes is the Lucy clone. With her dry and monotone voice, she introduces herself, "Ariadne Elizabeth Lumina Sevigny. 8 years old. And I hate my name."

Next emerges the loud and wild Luna counterpart. "The Rocker Formerly Known as Purpl3 Haz3. Last Name, Sevigny. 15 years old."

The baby of the Sevigny family also introduces herself in baby speak. "Clementine Catriona Elizabeth Sevigny. 16 months old."

The last two take their turns, starting with the Lincoln lookalike. "Sam Elliott Sevigny. 11 years old."

And finally, the Clyde clone finishes off the introduction, "Christopher Ludacris T. Washington Sevigny. 11 years old."

Mr. Sevigny explains, "He's adapted. We rescued him in a poor country called Wakanda."

"Okay…" the host utters speechlessly. "Alright, finally, let's bring in the Loud family!"

In comes the all-black family, the Garishes.

The patriarch of the family steps in enthusiastically, "Hi! I'm Gary Garrison Garish III. And we're so happy to be here! Me and my family, the Garishes!"

The matriarch starts off, "Gabourey Precious Garish. Mother of 12. 46 years old."

Insert the Lori counterpart. "Laila Laylah Leila Leigh Garish. 17 years old."

Insert the Leni counterpart. "Leni Loud Garish. 16 years old."

Insert the Luna counterpart, who is more gangsta than rocker. "Lil Lachrymose Britches Garish. 15 years old."

Insert the Luan counterpart, whose town is more Regina Hall in her voice. "Kumika Leslie Haddish Garish. 14 years old."

Insert the Lynn counterpart. "Venus Artemis Sommore Garish. 13 years old."

Insert the Lincoln counterpart. "Nat D'Young Chris Tuck Urkel Ettnow Garish. 11 years old."

Insert the Lucy counterpart. "Luciananananindina Onyx Garish. 8 years old."

Insert the Lana counterpart. "Michonne Williams Garish. 6 years old."

Insert the Lola counterpart. "Tamiya Aaliyah Zendaya Divine Etta Victoriana Ivanka Lil Garish. 6 years old."

Insert the Lisa counterpart. "Engr. Malala Ava Mariah Lila Lynd Garish. 4 years old."

Insert the Lily counterpart who also spoke in baby. "Glenda Humuhumunukunukuapua'a Garish. 12 months old."

Insert the Clyde counterpart, who is a white kid, "Benedict Arnold Garish. 11 years old."

The host is perplexed by the presence of a white kid in a predominantly black family. Thus, Mr. Garish justifies, "He has vitiligo, a skin condition wherein affected parts of the skin became white, just like what happened to his idol."

"Jack White?" the host asks.

"Nope, Michael Jackson."

"Oh…okay…" The host tries to keep his composure, in spite of that awkward stint. "Well, such a…diverse round of family members. Well, let the games begin!"

But the game has to start with the Sevigny family against the Garish family, since the Louds are busy trying to hold their laughter.


	2. Lincoln of the Dead

The following story you will see is an alternative take to the episode "One Flu Over the Loud House". But it is just a bonus scene for the episode.

* * *

After the Lincoln, Lisa, Luna and Lucy load themselves with guns packed with chicken soup ammo, they ready to escape from their room and into the halls.

"Alright, this is it, people," Lincoln says. "We open this door; we let them loose."

"Wait, are we losing?" Leni shrieks.

"Not 'lose'. I mean 'loose-loose'."

"He means to set the entrance accessible for the zombies to flee inside," Lisa explains.

"Let's just cut it with the padding and get to the bottom of this," Lincoln insists.

"Alright, here we go dudes!" Luna signals as she slowly turns the doorknob and opens the door freely but slowly.

Once the entrance is wide open, the siblings scream at the top of their lungs and aim their weapons to incoming threat. But it turns out, nothing comes from the halls. Only a dark hall.

"Nothing. Nothing, dudes," Luna observes. "That's weird."

"Yeah. I thought I would expect the zombies to pile up here," Lincoln thinks.

"They must be downstairs," Lucy deduces.

"I suppose you won't let your follicular veil disclose that you may actually have a flu infection," Lisa catches suspicion on her older sister.

"I will let you know if I have the flu if I spread cold to any of you," the emo sister warns.

When tremors travel across the hall, Lincoln shushes them. "Shhh…quiet guys."

After hearing steps coming to their way, they compress to the wall, anticipating for the "thing" to come. Wooden creaks come in the way. Whispers like breezes come from the dark void.

"Oh no! The dark people may be watching us!" Leni squirms.

"Not too long, guys!" Lincoln gestures them. "Ready!"

With their battle cry, they charge towards the enemy in the dark. However, the Loud siblings come across another group of siblings.

Their leader, a girl with similarly white hair to Lincoln and identical wardrobe to him as well, points a flashlight towards him.

"Wait, you're not our sisters," Lincoln says.

"Yeah, you're not our brother too," the girl reacts.

Her brothers groan in disappointment.

"Great! Another fail…" the brother with the brown Mohawk grunts.

"Awww, looks like we loss our way," the brother with the blond hair says.

"You mean lost our way?" his brother with the gloomy state clarifies to him.

"We are not lost. We might have transported to an unexplained realm that has exceeded the time-space continuum. And these are their sentient beings," the brother with the short stature, messy hair, thick glasses and hifalutin vocabulary deduces.

"You dudes seem too familiar," Luna wonders, with Lucy and Lisa agreeing.

"Yeah, I get it," Leni somewhat catches the drill, "I get it because they are family. So that's why they're familiar. Ha!" Likewise, the Lincoln clan groans at that cluelessness.

"Well, we better go. We have zombies to cure," Lincoln enunciates.

"Oh! Us too!" the white-haired girl reacts.

"Oh! So…what a coincidence."

"Yeah! Well, good luck."

"Yeah!"

The two identical children cross paths, exchange hellos and part ways.

After Lincoln and his counterpart, Lisa and her counterpart simultaneously cross paths, exchange hellos and part ways. "Hey!"

Afterwards, Lucy and her counterpart simultaneously cross paths, exchange hellos and part ways, in their most monotonous tone possible. "Hey…"

Next, Luna and her twin simultaneously cross paths, exchange hellos and part ways. "Hey dude!"

Finally, Leni and her counterpart simultaneously cross paths, exchange hellos and nearly part ways. "Hi!" But before they completely part ways, they look at each other, amazed at the resemblance to each other.

Leni moves her hand upward, causing her male counterpart to do the same. She tries to catch her "reflection". When it gets to the point of mimicry, she redoes the same routine from "Cover Girls", the part where Leni and Luan reenact the famous scene in the Marx Brothers' _Duck Soup_. The two enjoy the mimicry gimmick so much that they have to be dragged away by their siblings.

* * *

And probably later, the Loud sisters have to repeatedly shoot chicken soup to Lori to the tune of "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen.


	3. Loud Oyster Cult

Lynn and Rita Loud have all the day to themselves as they take a trip to the supermarket.

The Loud family matriarch expresses the serenity of simply shopping. "Isn't this fun, sweetie? Away from the kids for a while and enjoying a trip to the supermarket without having them flock to the cart and drop a lot of items for once. Isn't it nice?"

But Lynn Sr. is busy minding the prices of a nearby aisle. When he hears his wife ask him, he replies, "Oh yes…Sure, of course. We need a powerful repellant to take down those pests!"

"I meant the children," she corrects him. "Taking a break for a while."

"Oh yes. That too." He then leans to his beloved wife, seizing the moment for her. "And once we're done shopping, how about we serenade for a one-night massage?" She chuckles.

But as their moment gets right, the supermarket radio transitions to a familiar song. The starting guitar riff petrifies Lynn Sr. as his attention is now on a very familiar song, a song from the Blue Oyster Cult even. It know kicks in his memories from his younger years.

Rita notices this, "Lynn…please…not this moment…"

The drumsticks beat strikes from the song. And the signature cue is about to kick in.

"Oh honey, I can't help it!" he dramatically enunciates. Then his voice changes to a Christopher "The Bruce Dickinson" Walken tone. "I've got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell."

The main riff enters in an explosive note, for Lynn Sr. at least. And the dad pulls out his cowbell and his drumstick, and weaves out his Gene Frenkle get up to perform more cowbell. Lynn is nonstop at his riffs, beating the cowbell throughout the entire cowbell and dancing around his wife in uncontrollable fashion. A surprise to her, some shoppers also take any cowbell they can see and perform alongside Lynn. It is pretty wild and rocking in the supermarket.

The less goes to Rita. "Oh, knew that this day would come. Well, it could have been much more. I would more expect a larger Spanish Inquisition." At that point, Rita is aware of her son, her daughter and her son's best friend, popping from nowhere and dressed in red-draped wardrobe.

But it turns out that the three just came from home. After sensing Rita's mention of their name, they run to the bus stop and board the next bus going to the supermarket. Each contributes to the bus fare. The travel becomes longer as it should. But at least they ready their weapons of mass destruction, like a dish rack, two pillows and a cushion from the "comfy chair".

The bus stops on several blocks to the supermarket. The three then fiercely hop off the vehicle and run towards the establishment.

When they arrive, the three never noticed the More Cowbell ruckus and rushes to Rita. As Lincoln delivers the line, "Nobody expects the…"

…it cuts to black. _Fin_.

"Dang it."


	4. Total Bastard Air-Louds

Summer is a great time to travel. For any travel itinerary, there will always be a choice for an airline to get to someone's destination. Luckily for the Louds, they are able to book a flight from Royal Woods, Michigan to Newark, New Jersey.

As they learned from their website, several advertisements and their social media pages, they offer great amenities during flights like indoor entertainment, comfortable seats, fine food and ambient interiors. But what they do not know is how their actual staff is like. Gladly, the social media posts do not much reveal what the staff is like.

Thus for the Louds, they are about to grab the opportunity to encounter their "loyal", "friendly" and "caring" as they land in Hoboken.

The pilot sounds off via intercom: "Ladies and gentleman, we have safely landed in Newark, New Jersey. Thank you for flying Total Bastard Airlines. For thirteen years of disservice, we commit to bring bitter flights and bitter lives to our fellow passengers. We at Total Bastard Airlines continue to give regress in our quality, and still operate for the best of the consumer. Though there may be bitter choices out there in the market, we'd like to thank you for flying the blue skies of Total Bastard. Just remember, at least we are not United Airlines."

During that announcement, which seems to never get in the heads of the people on-board, the passengers unload their carry-on belongings and prepare in line to exit the plane.

A flight attendant with short blond hair and thin body stands by near the door with his attractive female attendant subordinate. And one by one, he assists the passengers by the shoulders and greets them with a deadpan but coarse "buh-bye".

"Thanks for flying with us. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye."

His fellow flight attendant follows the same way. "Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye."

As for the Louds, they get separated seats, thanks to the "quality" seat reservations by the airline company. So, each of them encounters the delightfully courteous flight attendant.

Leni goes first.

The male attendant asks her, "Hey, you live here in Newark?"

"Well, I live with my family…" Leni answers.

But the attendant interrupts her. "Buh-bye."

"I just said…"

"Buh-bye," the female attendant, smiling, follows.

"Okay, I didn't know you guys are fans of Backstreet Boys." Just like that, Leni walks out, completely clueless what happened.

"Yeah, buh-bye."

Lynn Jr. comes next in line. She addresses to the lady attendant, "Hey, I discovered that the bathrooms here have no tissue…"

But she interrupts her, "Buh-bye."

"Yeah, but how I would supposed to…"

"Buh-bye. I'm sorry. You may address your bathroom duties in the terminal. Buy-bye."

Lynn then walks off, baffled. "Weird."

A couple of passengers pass by, being dismissed by the totally "courteous" attendants.

Lana then comes next. She asks the male attendant, "Hey, I just want to ask if my pets are safe in the baggage? I just don't want to feel hurt."

But he dismisses her, "Buh-bye."

"So are they safe?"

"Sweetie, baggage shift during flight. So if you don't want see them squish, you should have left them at home. Now, buh-bye."

"So, wait, are they squished?!"

But the male attendant does not answer her. "Buh-bye now. Buh-bye."

"Hold on Hops! I'm coming!" Lana then rushes to the baggage claim for her caged-up pets.

Lucy then passes by, prompting the male attendant to say, "Buh-bye."

But she also dismisses her.

"Yeah, kids these days," he grunts.

Suddenly, she appears in front of him. "At least I don't have a career yet to ruin, unlike you."

The male attendant is obviously frightened but he keeps his composure with gusto. "Hey, I told you black lady, buh-bye!"

Untimely enough, an African-American woman stands next to him. "What did you say?"

"What?! I just told you, buh-bye. That's all I've been saying. Should I be saying something else? Of course not. It does not make any sense. Come on! Buh-bye. Buh-bye."

Just like that, the woman walks off, kind of offended. Who wouldn't be?

More pass by, until Rita passes by. She tells to the female attendant, "Hey, maybe next time that your ticket counter to have my family booked together in one of our flights? I hate going back and forth around the plane. Just to check them."

She listens but dismisses her right away, "That's nice. Buh-bye."

"Nice? Do you find it nice to see me walk around the plane like that?"

"That's ideal, ma'am. Buh-bye."

"Okay, you've gone rude. If your family got separated seats, would you do the same?"

"Nope. I don't have a family. I was orphan before I started here." She seems to take in stride. But she goes back to the rude self. "Now, buh-bye."

Rita then walks off the plane, bewildered at the kind of reception she had with the attendants.

Lola comes next with kind of a heat in her head.

"Buh-bye," they greet her.

But the spoiled brat complains, "Hey, you guys have been totally rude to me for the entire flight."

"Buh-bye," they interrupt her.

But she continues, "No, no. I'll not stop till I get an answer why I never have the milk and cookies I requested. I made my requests clear. I even showed you a membership card, so that I can get them on time! You never did!"

But the attendants continue to greet, "Buh-bye". They are soon joined by another female attendant on greeting, "Buh-bye".

Lola keeps belching, "You never did! You say you're going to give quality service! But all you gave me as a stupid middle seat with two snoring guys beside me!"

But her complaints are ineffective, as the attendants keep chanting, "Buh-bye."

Lola finally quits in complaining. "This is ridiculous! Get lost! Ahhh! I'll call my lawyers!"

"Buh-bye!" the male attendant gives a final shout to her. "What kind of a 6-year-old has a lawyer? Unless you're Honey Boo-Boo." He then resumes "pleasantly" greeting the other passengers.

Lincoln then comes next.

"Buh-bye," the David Spade knock-off says to him.

"Good one, guys. I had a great time with the game stick from my seat," he compliments them.

"Nice one, grandpa. Buh-bye."

"Actually, I'm not a grandpa. I'm a 11-year-old boy, you see."

"Ahh, cute. A grandpa refusing to accept his real age. Nice. Buh-bye."

"No really. I'm just 11. I just got this white hair when I was little."

"And I got my driver's license when I was three. And now, still end up driving my Little Tikes mobile. How cute. Buh-bye."

"But I'm really…"

"Speaking of mobile, there's an airport cart outside the gate. They can assist you, gramps, with a cane. Buh-bye."

Just like that, Lincoln walks off, also baffled.

Lynn Sr. comes next with Lily strapped on his front.

The male attendant comments, "Wow, your baby looks cute."

"Yeah, she is and she needs a diaper change now…"

But the lady attendant interrupts him, "Buh-bye."

"Yeah, I was just going to ask…"

"I'm sorry. I swear I heard her say 'Buh-bye'. But there you go with your flapping mouth."

"But I was going to politely ask…"

"There it is again, the flapping mouth. How rude. How odd. I want to see motion, movement. Buh-bye. Sorry about that."

But before he walks off the plane, Lynn Sr. warns the male attendant, "Oh, I'm going to let you see the bomb I have here right now."

"Yeah, terrorist. Buh-bye."

Lily then utters, "Buh-bye."

"Lily! Don't encourage them!" Lynn Sr. tells his toddler.

After that, Luan comes next. "Well, that sure was 'plane'. Hahaha! Get it?"

The lady attendant replies, "Of course, no. Buh-bye."

"Well, that means the joke didn't land. Hahaha!"

"You seemed to like puns?"

"Yes, I do. Some of them even take flight. Haha!"

"That's nice. Buh-bye."

"So, you want to hear more?"

"Buh-bye."

Luan then walks off the plane, completely bewildered.

After some passengers, Lori comes next. She turns to the lady attendant, "Hey, can you request for the pilot to literally prevent some turbulence along the way?"

She then replies with a sarcastic tone, "Right, about turbulence, how should we address it? Oh, it's all literally part of the travel, sis. Buh-bye."

"But I just heard your pilot steering the wheel like a toddler…"

"Good, you have ears. Buh-bye."

"Have ears?!"

But they keep dismissing her, "Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye."

And the same way as the rest of the Louds, Lori walks off, baffled.

Lisa then passes by, making the attendants greet her, "Buh-bye."

But she addresses to them.

"Excuse me, I just have a concern with how you handle belongings since one of my bags carry important glassware and equipment. So, I don't want them tampered along the way…"

Hearing go full concern, the male attendant dominates the discussion, "Okay look, little Einstein, we have a routine here. You, ride plane. Me, buh-bye. You, take toys and put in bag. Me, buh-bye. You, get bag. Me, buh-bye. You, talk science mumbo-jumbo you heard from TV. Me, buh-bye. You, I am a toddler, and I put lab gown and carry important stuff. That's make you important? Well, you're a toddler now. Buh-bye."

Lisa is immediately offended by the gestures of the attendant that she walks off, but not without a warning. "You know, I have associates with the aerospace administration."

"Yes, and I am Buzz Aldrin's cousin. Buh-bye."

Like the rest, she walks off, baffled.

Finally, it is Luna's turn to be roasted.

The attendants that she in her headphones that prompted the lady to ask, "Hey there, gal. What are you listening?"

"Coldplay songs, bruh," she excitedly answers. "They are wicked!"

"Coldplay songs, eyy?" the male attendant responds. He then chants, "Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-byes. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-byes. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-byes. Ohohohohooohhhhh… Buh-bye, buh-bye, buh-bye, got me feeling buh-buh-bye, buh-bye, buh-bye…"

"Okay, buh-bye now," the lady attendant tells Luna, then proceeds to lead the rest of the pack till the plane is empty. "1…2…done…"

After that, the male attendant phones the control room, asking, "Hello security, we need an escort all the way to the terminal, right now. Thanks. Buh-bye!" He then slams the phone, just for good measure of his rudeness.

And to those who read this chapter, he shouts, "You, buh-bye!"


	5. Lana Loud's Safari Planet

Lana just hit a gig for a famous nature show on TV to introduce her pet frog Hops to the audience. So, upon arriving to the studio, her anticipation is high and her expectations blow through the roof. But as she witness the show itself, her excitement is better put somewhere good.

* * *

The show starts with the graphics of animal cut-outs and the show's logo.

Cue the theme song: " _He loves animals and they love him back…_ "

Then the voiceover then dictates: "Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God's creatures. Share his love tonight on…"

And the musical interlude takes its turn: " _Brian Fellow's Safari Planet. Brian Fellow's…Safari Planet._ "

With that, the host, a Tracy Jordan knockoff in safari gear, greets the audience, "Good evening and welcome to Brian Fellow's Safari Planet. I'm Brian Fellow!" Cue the applause that feeds into the host's satisfaction. "Tonight, we're gonna meet some animals that can be found in the swamp. I bet those creatures might have met Shrek. Either way, Shrek is real! So, let's start. Our first guest is so green that I am glad it's not an ogre. Please welcome an iguana!"

On cue, a herpetologist steps forward with an iguana on his arms and sits next to the host.

"And who are you?" Brian Fellow enthusiastically asks.

"I'm Dr. Drake Koo-Hack from Royal Woods Zoo," he replies.

"And I am Brian Fellow!" he belches.

The herpetologist just leaves a smile on that kind of reaction from the host. "Yes. We know. Well, this is Izzy. She is a green iguana. With the scientific name _iguana iguana_."

"Iguana iguana? Does she know how to rap?"

The true expert on camera is perplexed at Brian Fellow's question. "What do you mean? You mean rap music rap?"

"Mhmmm like you said…" he clarifies with sass. "Does she repeat words? Go fancy and all that?"

With those hints, the herpetologist figures out that Fellow must have misunderstood what he said. "Oh. Mr. Fellow, animals can't rap. And you must have mistaken iguana for Iggy Azalea."

"Mhmmm I know that," the host remarks.

This leaves the herpetologist in a rather awkward state. But he continues his cue, "Right. Anyway, Izzy's kind here were considered as invasive species. You see, by its namesake, they invade other places that are not considered their habitats. You might have heard of reports of iguanas in ships."

Suddenly, Fellow's childlike curiosity makes him exclaim, "An iguana sailing a ship? That's crazy!"

The herpetologist is just baffled at the sheer cluelessness of the so-called host of this nature program. His breath was easily taken away from how little the moderator can catch this information. "Okay…well, it's no laughing matter, Brian, since these creatures have affected so much of the ecosystem that invading other animals' ecosystem would severely affect…"

Soon as the renowned zoologist drops a lot of information on the segment, Fellow zones out to his usual childish fantasies. This time, he imagines the iguana rapping **on a boat** , as if it is a member of The Lonely Iguana. The reptile's movements are so exaggerated that the host cannot help but snicker at his fullest.

But from out of nowhere, he exclaims, "Yes!"

The herpetologist stops his explanation and asks, "Yes what?"

"Yes, that iguana's on a boat!"

"Are we…Are we still in the same page?"

"I'm Brian Fellow!" Fellow then asks the bewildered herpetologist, "Now, when does this iguana grow to become a monster?"

"What now?"

"You know, become a monster. And fight off a butterfly thingy, a flying dinosaur and a three-headed dragon thing."

The herpetologist finally gets fed up with Fellow's incompetence and misinterpretation of basic biological concepts. "Okay, you know what Mr. Fellow, you're probably a nice guy, but I don't if we are in the same page. So, I better spend my time elsewhere."

"Good. Go! And take that lizard rapper with you!" Fellow then faces the camera and apologizes to the viewers. "Sorry about that. Turns out that lizard ain't fancy. Let's call our next guest, who has a long tongue and a habit to blow his mouth away. Please welcome a frog!"

And with that, Lana Loud finally shows up for the segment with Hops on her hand.

"And who are you?" Fellow asks.

"Well, I am Lana Loud. I am a local volunteer for the local Royal Woods swamplands," she happily introduces herself.

But Fellow gets louder in his enunciation. "I am Brian Fellow!"

"Yes, nice to meet you too. Also I am 6."

"And I am Brian Fellow!"

Lana just holds up a beam on her face because she does not know how to react. "Okay…"

"So what we got here?"

"Well, this is Hops. He is my pet frog. We've been buddies like forever."

"So do you kiss him or something?"

Lana is perplexed as to why a nature show host would ask such a question. Straightly, she answers, "Uhmmm… not really. He's not like a frog…prince or something."

"So how come a princess likes kissing frogs?"

"Okay, maybe we kind of got off-topic. Let me just tell the story of how Hops managed to save his fellow frogs from being dissected. You see…" Lana then begins to tell the entire synopsis of the episode "Frog Wild".

However, Fellow's mind has gone aloof again on imagining the rapping iguana a while ago. He imagines him donning a gangsta outfit and rap parody gestures.

Somehow, this figment from Fellow's imagination speaks to him, "Hey Brian Fellow, I'm on a boat! And you're not! Why? Because you're so scared of water that you don't want to take a bath!"

Again, from out of the blue, Fellow screams, "Hey! I'm not scared of the WATER!"

Lana and Hope become shocked when Fellow suddenly belches. "Uhmmm shall I continue speaking, Mr. Fellow?"

"No! Now tell me, does that frog have poison?"

"What?! No! Hops doesn't have poison. Some frogs do. But not Hops."

"Well, tell your froggy friend of yours to call of his poisonous friends and beat that lizard rapper."

"I think you must have been mistaken, Mr. Fellow."

"Whatever!" Then he abruptly ends the show. "That's all the time we have. Join me next week when we talk to other animals who can rap – a dog and a lion. I'm Brian Fellow!"

Cue the ending credits.

But Lana is just left speechless that the show she went was really stupid.


	6. Celebrity Jeopardy 1 (feat Lola)

There's a new craze in Royal Woods. And that is the local television station is inviting cartoon celebrities in the area to participate in their own installment of _Celebrity Jeopardy_. And so, as they feel that they are celebrities in their own right, each of the Loud siblings participate in the game. The rest is hilarity.

The game starts with the usual Jeopardy title card and the signature theme. At this point, it drops off to the Double Jeopardy level with Alex Will Ferrell Trebek addressing to the viewers, "Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. I just want to clarify to our dear contestants that uttering street slang in a stereotypical manner is not allowed on this show. With that said, let's take a look at the scores."

From saying the scores, the legendary host also introduces the contestants, "Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sits with a score of -$70."

Mikey just stands chill as the audience applauds him, despite him attaining the second lowest score. "Dude, this looks radical. It's great to be here. Say is there any pizza after this?"

"No, Mr. Michelangelo. We don't have any pizza in the studio," Trebek replies straightly.

"Well, I'll just sneak later in the staff room for some slice," Mikey replies. Then the audience laughs along with the inserted laugh track, leaving Trebek stone-faced.

"Way to be a model for children." Trebek then introduces the 2nd contestant, "On (not) last place, we have Lola Loud, who attained a score so low that it cannot be stated to the contestant herself."

Lola just simply waves to the audience, poised thinking that she succeeded the game. "Thank you Alex. I just want to say it's a great honor to see my fans applauding for me and for me being the top scorer in this game. And there better be a banquet for my victory tonight!" But after suddenly bursting her crabbiness, she quickly resumes in her beauty pageant poise and waves to the people.

"Good luck with that," Trebek says in a deadpan manner. "And finally, with -$200 points, we have…" At that note, dismay rolls over Trebek's face, knowing who the next and final contestant is. Nevertheless, with a grunt, the host goes along with the cues, "…Sean Connery."

Cue the audience applause, and Connery stands confident to take on the next round or predictably mock Trebek. "Well, well, Trebek, nice to see you loitering around local TV. What's the matter? Sinking so fast like the way your mother sinks on…"

However, Trebek interrupts from there, "Okay, okay. Let's just move on to Double Jeopardy. And the categories are: **Potent Potables** , **Colors that Are White** , **Moth Errors** , **Famous Beyoncés** …" He disclaims from that category, "I'll give you a hint. There is only one answer." He continues, " **Idiomatic Expressions** , **Stuff in Your Bag** and finally **Pick Your Nose**."

Lola immediately takes offense from the final category. "Oh I'm not picking that category."

"Then you don't have to," Trebek answers, "It's not yet your turn. Michelangelo, since you're in the lead, we'll start with you."

When the camera points at him, Mikey has been swinging his nunchucks. "You know it's amazing, dude, when you're in television. We have like TV in our lair. But Donny kept switching it to the History Channel, where there's that program about that guy with the funny hair who says aliens exist. Except they do…"

Mikey keeps sharing his anecdote until Trebek takes control of the situation. "I'll tell you what: let's go with Colors that Are White for $400. This is the color of snow and the clouds."

Lola rings in.

"Yes Lola Loud?"

"Is it cold?"

"No, incorrect."

"Hey! There are cold colors, right?"

Mikey then buzzes in.

"Yes Michelangelo?" Trebek replies.

The ninja turtle then answers, "What is the weather?"

"No, it's the color of the snow and the clouds."

"Oh, wait, snow and clouds have collars?"

Trebek just swallows in the stupidity that have sprouted from the contestants. "Just brilliant. It's almost like you never finished school or something."

Lola again takes offense on that. "Uhmmm I'm still at school. Duh!"

Connery just takes a laugh at it. "My Trebek, you just offended a kid. Maybe next, it would be another offense."

But Trebek interrupts him from there. "Okay. Okay. Why? Let's just move on. Michelangelo, it's still your board. Please pick a category."

Mikey then looks at the category board for his pick. In a comical nature, he picks, "Well, there are good choices. I'll take Idiotic Expressions for $600."

Then the audience roars in laughter while Trebek is left stone-faced at the level of stupidity that the contestant posed. "That's idiomatic expressions, Michelangelo. It's about idioms."

"Well, I'm not an idiom to notice that," Mikey says with a dumb smile.

Trebek is anything but pleased. "I'll tell you what, let's go with Stuff in Your Bag for $600." Upon picking the category, a Daily Double sound cues. "And it's an Audio Daily Double. We'll play a sound and you must get which object is this. Here goes nothing. Take a listen."

Upon that cue, the Nokia signature theme sounds off twice, which leaves Mikey kind of puzzled. Nevertheless, he buzzes in. "Uhmmm what is…this?"

"Is that your final answer?" Trebek asks.

"Uhhhh yeah?"

Cue the wrong answer buzzer.

"No."

Lola then rings in.

"Yes Lola Loud?"

"Is it an emergency?"

"No. The correct answer is a cellphone. A cellphone. You should be familiar with that, Ms. Loud."

"That's no cellphone. It doesn't sound like a cellphone. What kind of cellphone would have a sound like that? In the Stone Age!"

The audience just rolls the laughter in, leaving Trebek puzzled how to proceed. Nevertheless, he takes the lead like a professional. "Clearly you don't know your history. Alright Mr. Connery, please pick a category."

Sean Connery then stack up his pride, like he usually does for the program. "Indeed, the time is nigh. I'll pick Mother Rors for $800."

An uproar goes around the studio as the bewildered Trebek takes in the laughter over the misnomer that Connery placed. The former James Bond actor was just laughing it out loud like a pompous British man.

"It's Moth Errors, Mr. Connery," Trebek corrects him.

But that does not stop Mr. Connery from calling out the obvious gag. "No Trebek! It's Mother Rors! Because your mother was roaring aloud last night! HAHAHAHA!"

"What's he talking about?" Lola asks.

"Nothing," Trebek immediately replies. "Let's just move to the Final Jeopardy. And the category is…" However, upon looking the question, the host resolves to redirect the game to a different way. He then rips off the Final Jeopardy question. "You know what, let's just make it simpler and more proper for all. How about write down the place that you lived in?"

With that, the sound cues for the Final Jeopardy, and the contestants grab their pens and write down their answers from their podiums.

"There's no way you could get this wrong. You know where you folks lived in. You can just write the name of the city. Or if not, the state or country or street name. It's just simple as pie."

On the looks of it, Mikey is just playing his nunchucks, Lola is having a hard time answering and Connery is using his fingers to count to write down his answer.

4…3…2…1…and time's up.

"And let's see you have you failed it at this time." Trebek proceeds first with Michelangelo. "Alright, Michelangelo, you wrote: **COWABUNGA**." And the audience chuckles. "I don't know if that is an actual place, but this is clearly an expression."

"Heck yeah, man!" Mikey replies. "I like expressions. I get to express my expressions!"

"Wonderful. And you wagered: **DUDE**. **COWABUNGA DUDE**."

"There you go! You expressed yourself. Cowabunga!"

But Trebek moves along to Lola, ignoring Mikey's aloof excitement. "I expressed nothing but remorse. Ms. Loud, let's see what you wrote: **Eye leave ear**. **Eye leave ear**."

"Yes, I live here in Royal Woods," Lola proudly states.

"I think you meant to answer ' **I live here** '," Trebek clarifies.

"That's what I just said! I get the correct answer, right?! That means I win!" She then leaps towards Alex's shoulder, but Trebek fires back by shaking her off, making her drop down.

"Clearly, you might have forgotten your poise." He then walks to Connery's podium. "Mr. Connery, you wrote: **UK**." (The 'K' overlaps to the part where the wager is written.) Trebek becomes overjoyed that Connery answered correctly. "That's a correct answer. Mr. Connery, you won!"

"That I did!" Connery laughs.

"Well, let's see you wagered." Immediately, Connery's wager was flashed. Trebek reads, " **OW**. **UKOW**." As the pompous British guy laughs uproariously, he realizes what Connery had written down, making his upset.

"Yes, you are, Trebek! HAHAHA!"

"Well, that's it. I apologize to the children who have to watch this. Good night!" After that, Trebek walks out in dismay, while the contestants go in their loony ways from their podiums.


	7. Celebrity Jeopardy 2 (feat Luna)

There's a new craze in Royal Woods. And that is the local television station is inviting cartoon celebrities in the area to participate in their own installment of _Celebrity Jeopardy_. And so, as they feel that they are celebrities in their own right, each of the Loud siblings participate in the game. The rest is hilarity.

The game starts with the usual Jeopardy title card and the signature theme. At this point, it drops off to the Double Jeopardy level where Alex Will Ferrell Trebek addresses to the viewers, "Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy – Nickelodeon Music Edition. I would like to clarify to our dear audience, especially the young ones, that the term 'pinhead' is considered a taboo for starfish people. So, I highly oblige that our contestants to never use this term." Cue the audience laughter over Trebek's disappointed reaction. "With that said, let us look at the scores."

Through saying the scores, Trebek also introduces the first contestant. "Sheen Estevez from _The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron_ and _Planet Sheen_ sits in last place with -$7000."

Sheen simply waves his hand to the audience and bows to them, as if he thinks that they are legitimately applauding him, not mockingly. "Hello! Hello world! I just want to greet my dad, my lizard, my ants, my Ultra Lord fanatics everywhere in the planet! I'm on top of the world!" He then gestures standing on top of his podium and blows kisses to the audience.

Trebek is anything but satisfied at the rather juvenile contestant. "I can see the enthusiasm in your eyes, Mr. Estevez."

Sheen replies, "I don't know what that means, but I'm excited to be here!"

"May I ask how you were clarified in this _Jeopardy!_ game?"

"What? You haven't heard of Sheen Estevez's hit songs?" He then clears throat to prepare to sing, or belch the _Ultra Lord_ theme song. " _Ultra Lord! Ultra Lord! With his brave and powerful sword!_ "

But Trebek interrupts him. "Okay, okay. We have heard enough. In first place, with -$10, we have Luna Loud."

At that cue, Luna just keeps her style and her heft high as she greets the audience. "Hello Alex, dude! Maybe we can turn that $10 into an $11!"

Trebek clarifies, "I like to clarify that you have -$10, and you want to turn in to -$11?"

"Why? Too loud? It's so good to be here! It's really rocking! And I want to make the crowd go wild in jeopardy!" She then raise her fists and headbangs.

"Just make sure that you don't," Trebek disclaims to her. "And with a score of -$500, we have Sean Connery yet here again."

As usual, the audience applauds Sean Connery's presence as he holds his podium firmly, ready to take the round and make fun of Trebek. "We meet again, Trebek. I have guested in Dora the Explorer to be eligible for this game. I get to perform with wonderful role models like Dora. And we get to sing, 'Come on! Vamonos!'" He then laughs hysterically as he sings it out. "Get it, Trebek! 'Come on! Come on! Vamonos!'"

Seeing from Trebek's annoyed face, the host easily gets what Connery is talking about.

But a clueless Sheen asks, "I don't get it."

Connery willingly clarifies, "Vamonos! It means I get to your…"

But Trebek halts him there, "No. No. I apologize to our younger viewers. Let's just go to Double Jeopardy. Let's take a look at the board. And the categories are: **Potent Potables** , **Hamiltons in the $10 Bill** , **The Old Broadway** , **The Number Five** , **Are You a Baby?** " The host then disclaims, "That is where you answer if you are a baby or not. I think you folks know what you are. So just simply answer, 'Am I not a baby?'" He then continues with the categories, " **Famous Deadpools** and finally, **Veteran Uses**."

With that, Trebek proceeds with the game proper. "Ms. Loud, you are in the lead. So we will start with you."

Luna then browses through the category board and spots something of a mistake. "Brah, I would be better be for The Number Five. But it's best if they go to Eleven!" Cue an electric guitar strum like a drumbeat punchline, and she raises her fist high.

Trebek is just stone-faced over the boastful fervor from the rocker. "So, is it The Number Five?"

"I told you bro! They must turn to eleven!" Luna then brings out her electric guitar and gives an impromptu beat to back her argument. The crowd goes wild for Luna.

The less goes for Trebek. "Let's just go to 'Hamiltons in the $10 Bill'." He dictates the hint, "This Founding Father, whose name was Alexander Hamilton, can be seen in the $10 bill."

Sheen presses the buzzer.

"Yes, Mr. Estevez?"

"An old man!"

Cue the wrong answer buzzer.

"No, what is the name of that man?"

"How would I know? I don't pay bills! And the old man from the bank takes our bills!"

Trebek is flabbergasted at the cluelessness of Sheen. "Wow!"

Luna buzzes in.

"Good, Ms. Loud. Hope you have a better answer."

"Yeah, uhmmm, who's Lin-Manuel Miranda?"

"No, I meant. Okay, who's the man that Lin-Manuel Miranda portrayed?"

"Well, he wore a fancy suit. And he knows how to rap. So, who's Eminem?"

Cue the wrong answer buzzer.

"No!"

Connery then buzzes in.

"Oh good. Mr. Connery might have the proper answer."

He then pompously answers, "I might have thrown $10 dollar bills to your mother."

But Trebek stops him right there, instantly realizing he has gone too far. "Okay. Okay. Mr. Connery, we do have young audiences here."

"And it never grows old for me to stick around here, Trebek!" Connery uproariously laughs at him.

Trebek is anything but content. Nonetheless, he goes on with the game. "Let's just go The Old Broadway for $400. Wait, I just said…"

But again, he gets interrupted by Connery's maniacal laugh. "You just said it, Trebek! HAHAHAHA!"

The host right away realizes what those words, when pieced together, actually meant. He mumbles to himself, "The Old Broad Way. The Old Broad Way…"

"HAHAHAHA! So much for saying 'we have young audiences' here! HAHAHA!" Connery hoots.

"Wait, I don't get this one too," Sheen reacts. "Should I laugh too?"

But Trebek takes control of the situation. "You know what, let's just proceed anyway. 'That' for $400. This Broadway musical is about a phantom in the opera."

Luna then buzzes in for an answer.

"Luna Loud, what is your answer?"

"Who is Prince?"

But the buzzer sounds it as a wrong answer.

"No!"

Sheen rings in.

"Yes, Mr. Estevez?"

"Uhhhhhhhh who is Slimer?"

Trebek's expression is rather sour, hearing Sheen's answer. "Incorrect. It seems you are confusing musicals from movies."

"What are you talking about? I watched _Ultra Lord the Movie_ a hundred times! And it's a musical!"

Trebek corrects him, "It was just a dance scene at the end of the movie."

Finally, Connery rings in.

"Alright, Mr. Connery, what's your answer?"

Connery answers, "I think I may have been acquainted with some broads in the opera."

The audience just bolsters into laughter, as Trebek is left speechless of how Connery went too far with his potty mouth. "I apologize again to our younger viewers that you have to hear that." With no other choice, he leads them to the last category. "Let's just proceed to **Final Jeopardy**. And the category is…" After seeing the questionnaire, Trebek then proceeds to his own direction for the contestants. "You know what, let's just discard this and just write your name. Just simply write your name on the board."

Cue the signature tone for Final Jeopardy, which prompts the three contestants to grab their special pen and write down their answers.

"It does not matter if you write down your full name or not. Write your nickname, your pseudonym, your surname. Just any name that people call you. Just any name that refers to you. This won't be that hard."

The contestants seem to be determined to write their answers. Connery acts studious. Sheen is steadfastly scribbling on the platform. And Luna is strumming her guitar, thinking of an answer.

4…3…2…1…and time's up.

"Okay, let's go with what you answered." Alex Trebek proceeds first to Sheen's podium. "Mr. Estevez, you wrote: **SHIN**. Only the 'EE' is just an 'I'." Trebek sarcastically implies, "I guess you have thought this through."

"Oh yeah dude! For Ultra Lord, I did!" Sheen exclaims.

"Sure you do. And you wagered:" But the screen only shows scribbles of erasures. "It seems that you have occupied your platform with scribbles."

"Well, I was gonna answer Cindy Vortex's hair. But there's no space to write it down."

"Simply amazing." The displeased Trebek turns to Luna's podium. "Luna Loud, you wrote down…a music sheet. You just draw a music sheet."

"Sorry I wasn't able to write my name, Trebek dude," Luna tells him. "But I can sing for you." She then strums her guitar and does an impromptu song. " _Luna. That's me! Luna. That's me, Luna! Luna!_ "

Trebek then holds the neck of her electric guitar out of vehemence. He then properly reiterates to her, "The instructions are to write down your name. I guess you didn't get the message."

She squeals to him, "Don't want to be an American idiot!"

Trebek nonetheless moves to Connery's podium. "Mr. Connery, you wrote: **Bond**. Fine. You played James Bond. And people refer to you as James Bond. Acceptable answer. And your wager: **With Your Mother**."

Because of that, Connery laughs again uproariously. He shakes a dismayed Trebek's shoulders just to mess around him. "You said it! Bond with your mother! I, Bond!"

"Yes, I get it!" Trebek then closes off the show in a sour note. "That's it for Jeopardy! And I apologize to those child shelters who are not getting their money's share. Good night!" The disgruntled host then walks out of the studio with Connery still pestering him, while Luna strums along to the show's theme music and Sheen yodeling like a clueless moron.


	8. Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink (feat Lynn)

It is a beautiful in Royal Woods for one spectacular women's sporting event that the Loud family gathers to watch on TV. It is for the reason that Lynn Jr. will be participating for that event, and Leni will make a special hosting gig for ESPN. With the family huddled around the flat screen, with food on their hand, the game starts.

The announcer broadcasts: "It is spectacular to be here in the Marshall Center at Royal Woods, Michigan. Welcome to the 2018 Always Ultra Thins Women's Archery Championship. On this faithful match is reigning champ from Hillwood, Helga 'The Beluga' Pataki, competing against Royal Woods' finest young athlete, Lynn Loud Jr. The pressure is on, and the girls are up."

The event shifts to the two color commentators for the day, whose haircuts and beards might have come from the late 80's.

The commentator from the right kicks things off, "Good afternoon, and welcome again to the 2018 Always Pads Women's Archery Championship. It's me again, your trusted man, Pete Twinkle. And as always, you know him, you loved him, my buddy in the ruddy, Greg Stink."

Cue for the other commentator, who seems to be jollily oblivious or obliviously jolly as Twinkle cues him. "Why thank you Pete. Just want to clarify that my body is not ready. And I know I am always loved." He just gives a chuckle.

The same goes for Twinkle, who keeps up with the cue, despite Stink's cluelessness. "That's good to know. So, I heard about the gig you had during the Olympics in Brazil."

Stink replies, "Oh, I'm glad you heard about it."

"Alright. What is it like to be there to connect to the locals there? And also the athletes?"

But Stink, as usual, cannot keep up with the conversation. "Well, I like being there."

"So, what is it like being there?"

"I just always like being there."

"Speaking of always, a shoot-out to our sponsor for the day, **Always Ultra Thins: When you're at your cycle, don't be maniacal. Always Ultra Thins.** " Twinkle then continues engaging with Stink, "Well, Greg, glad you have us there with your stories at the Olympics."

"I know. Me too."

Twinkle then dismisses him subtly. "Okay. Cool. Also, we would like to our special guest correspondent for this event, Leni Loud!"

Cue for the cameras to switch to Leni, who is in the middle of taking selfies and logging on to her social media feeds from her spot. Of course, she is ignorant of the cameras switching to her. "Hello Leni! It's me, Snapchat!"

"Leni! Uhhhh Leni! Ms. Leni Loud!" Twinkle tries to get her attention but fails. "Alright, we'll switch back to her later."

"Well, she is not Leni. She is Snapchat."

"Alright, Ms. Leni Loud everybody!" The game proper is starting from this point, prompting for Twinkle to take over. "Okay, it seems the match has started. Again, a shout-out to **Always Ultra Thins: When the monthly period hits, the absorbent power never quits. Always Ultra Thins.** " He then continues commenting about the game, "Alright, we have Helga 'The Beluga' Pataki. She's holding the bow right now and testing the grip. Now Greg, let me ask you. How do players in this game aim to strike the target?"

Stink with a smile replies, "Well, it's easy, Pete. First, you have to take out the pad from its bunch. Then unwrap it. Remove the special sticker. And place it over the buns…"

But Twinkle instantly corrects him, "No, no Greg. That was my fault. I was not referring to a fine product like Always Ultra Thins with fast absorbing power. No, I was asking how archers plan or think of strategies to aim for the targets."

"Oh, you mean the yellow one?"

"Yes, Greg. The yellow one."

"Well, I think they've been planning it all day long."

"That's great, Greg. Greg Stink, everybody! Always giving good commentary." Twinkle then remembers, "Speaking of which, how is our special guest reporter on the field, Leni Loud?"

Cue for the cameras to switch to Leni's coverage. However, she insists to the crew that she has yet to be camera ready. "O-M-Gosh guys! I so think this hair needs a little straightening so we can get through today's shoot. Come on! I just need for it to be fit for camera work. After all, we're doing a fashion report."

Twinkle tries to catch her attention, "Uhmmm Leni! Leni, we're live now. Leni!" But he cues the crew to switch the coverage to them. "Okay, we'll return to her at any moment."

Stink responds, "Well, she said the camera isn't ready."

"No, she is. Anyway, again, thanks to our sponsor **Always Ultra Thins: Comfy to make you poise that you'll not raise your voice. Always Ultra Thins.** " He then moves on to reporting about Helga's round. "Okay, I think we're seeing Helga positioning the arrow to the bow. And with her eyeful determination, and…" Basing on his observation, Helga positions herself from top to bottom to aim for a target. At her composure, she releases the arrow. And it hits at the nine range! The crowd goals and so does her. "WOAH! That's a surefire hit! A nine! A nine!"

But Stink ignorantly tells him, "I'm pretty sure she's not 9. I think we know that she's 11."

"Okay, good to know, Greg. Good to know. It looks like Lynn Loud Jr. is about to get on the field. There she is with her bow and arrow. Now, she is one of Royal Woods' leading athletes. I mean, according to her bio, she's in everything. Baseball, bowling, soccer, basketball. Those games."

"Well, that's certainly a lot of balls to go for," Stink comments.

But Twinkle silences him there, "Okay, okay, sorry about that. Greg Stink, everybody! What we're talking about is how much guts it must take to master all professional games like that."

"Well, my guts are for storing my food."

"That's good. Hey! Since it's Lynn's round, why don't we go back to our special guest host commentator, Leni Loud! How are you doing there, Leni?"

However, as the cameras switch back to Leni, she is gone from her spot.

"Uhmmm Leni? Leni?! Where's Leni!"

Right away, Leni runs back to her spot, screaming in her place. "GOSH! YOU GUYS! THERE'S A GREEN MONSTER! AHHHHH!" She scrams away as a light green alligator mascot appears from the camera and waves to the viewers.

But Twinkle prompts to take control. "Okay, we'll get back to Leni at any moment as she…gets away from the monster."

Stink then comments, "But I think that green little reptile fella seems to represent all the monstrous things that our authorities does…"

However, Twinkle silences him there, "Okay, that's good observation, Greg. It's always good. Speaking of always, another shout-out to our sponsor **Always Ultra Thins: No need for confidence to hide when the lining protects inside.** " Cue audience laughter as the two try to keep their composure after Twinkle read that line. The latter is just being cool with it, while Stink gazes a smile as the dead air enters. After a few seconds, he ends," **Always Ultra Thins. With absorbent power.** "

At that point, Lynn is walking to her position.

Twinkle gives his observation, "Okay, we have Lynn Jr. showing power with her bow as she…flicks on it like a harp. And now, she positions her arrow. Just like that. And…"

From there, Lynn takes a keen eye to the target. And just like that, she shoots the arrow to the 10 range. It's a bullseye! The crowd goes wild! And so does Lynn who is chanting and dancing wildly from her spot.

"IT'S A BULLSEYE! A bullseye for Lynn Loud Jr.!" Twinkle announces.

"That right!" Stink replies.

"A bullseye against the Hawkeye!"

"Well, I wouldn't call her a bull or Helga a hawk."

"Okay, okay. Speaking of which, hey, let's go back to our guest commentator, Leni Loud!"

As the camera switches to her, Leni is shown to be messed up. Her hair is frizzy. Her face is filled with skid marks and dirt. And her outfit is ruffled. "Hello Pete Stink! Hello Greg Twinkle! Look to the camera!" She then smiles.

"Hey Leni!" Stink greets her back.

But Twinkle takes the lead, "Okay, okay, Leni. What happened to you? It seems that you were ran over by a horse or something."

Leni happily answers, "Well, the crowd was going wild today that I got trampled on from the bleachers. But who cares?! My sister Lynn won! Wooh! GO LYNN GO!"

"Well, glad that she's glad," Twinkle replies. "Again, Always Ultra Thins. We'll be right back." With that, the confident sportscaster and the clueless commentator (still smiling) briefly signs off.

Cue the commercial break before the ESPN Classic title card.

* * *

However, back on the Loud household, mixed emotions set in. While Lynn's victory is worth celebrating, they are still perplexed by Leni's reporting and the sponsor for the event.


	9. Celebrity Jeopardy 3 (feat Lynn)

There's a new craze in Royal Woods continues in the form of _Celebrity Jeopardy_. And so, as they feel that they are celebrities in their own right, each of the Loud siblings participate in the game. The rest is hilarity.

The game starts with the usual Jeopardy title card and the signature theme. At this point, it drops off to the Double Jeopardy level where Alex Will Ferrell Trebek addresses to the viewers, "Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. You may have noticed that I am wearing a different suit because one particular contestant in this game thought I resembled a controversial figure from the 70's." He is actually pertaining to his classic suit and tie, instead of the colorful suit and tie he wore a while ago.

This prompts for the voracious Sean Connery to laugh hysterically at Trebek. "Oh you pansy! You really bought it! Hahahaha!"

Trebek just reacts with an upset gawk at the pompous actor who starred in _Dr. No_ and _The Avengers._ He is almost immobile from that tirade. But as a professional host, he moves on with the game. "Really proud of yourself. Alright, before we move to Double Jeopardy, let us take a look at the scores. As introduced earlier, Sean Connery leads the pack with -$200."

But even as the cameras move to him, Connery is still laughing from them mockery he made a while ago. "I'll make that a positive, Trebek! Positively having fun with your mother!"

Again, Trebek looks at him upsettingly. "We do want to point out that this show is for general audiences. So, Mr. Connery, if you would please…"

But Connery keeps on with his comical pompousness. "If you would please what? Please your mother? I think her kid would not mind."

As though he wants to berate Connery for his brash behavior, he just remains professional but upset all throughout. It goes harder for him to keep his composure when he brings his mother to the table. Nevertheless, he continues, "Moving on. On second place, we have Lynn Loud Jr. with -$4000."

Cue the applause for Lynn as she just chills on her podium. "Yeah, it's good. Easy with the applause, people. We all know who the champion is here."

"You do know you have -$4000 points right now?" Trebek brings up.

"Well, we can make it a positive. Just kick that dash right out of the field and Lynn Loud is a winner!" She then insists for the audience for a round of applause.

"I don't think that works here, I'm afraid," Trebek clarifies to her. "And finally, we have Danny Fenton in the lowest range with -$10000."

Cue applause to the ghost boy in his normal who looks groggy and dim in his usual attire but sporting a posture that is familiar from previous Celebrity Jeopardy episodes. It can be seen from the way he holds the buzzer. "I'm going ghost," he utters in the same manner as Keanu Reeves.

"For the last time, no you don't," Trebek says.

Cue the audience laughter.

"Let's just move on to the categories. They are: **Potent Potables** , **Parisian Towers Named After Eiffel** , **'F' Arts** , **Nursery Math** , **Automatic Points** …" He then disclaims, "That is when you are automatically given 100 points without answering a question. I am sure that should be easy. **Lullabies** and finally **Famous Bill Gates**." After that, he calls to Connery, "Mr. Connery, since you gained the highest points, so we start with you."

"Oh, I'll play your game, you old chum," Connery enunciates. "I'll take Farts for $600." He is actually pertaining to the category "F" Arts, to which the audience takes a huge laugh at.

The less can be said for Trebek who is dismayed over that immediate assumption. "Mr. Connery, that is 'F' Arts. It is about the arts." But his argument wears off as Connery's laugh becomes louder. "That is it. Lynn Loud, why don't you pick a category?"

"In case you don't know, Alex, I am in a winning category right now," Lynn brags. "They handpick me as the coach for a dying basketball team. And we all become champions."

"Never mind," Trebek dismisses her. "Mr. Fenton, why don't you pick?"

Danny then blindly says, "I shall take Secret Worlds in the Ghost Zone for $500, if you please."

The disgruntled host is baffled by the stupidity of the contestant. "That's not even a category."

"My mistake. I shall Secret Worlds in the Ghost Zone for $1000." Danny makes a dopey expression, trying to get across his request.

Trebek just moves on with his own control. "Let's just go with 'Parisian Towers Named After Eiffel' for $400. And the answer is: **This Parisian tower in Paris is named after Gustave Eiffel.** "

Lynn then buzzes in.

"Yes, Ms. Loud?"

"I got this. I got this. Well, there are many platforms I fell on during an obstacle race. And I always bag the first price." The buzzer sounds off, signaling time's up for Lynn.

"No."

Danny buzzes in next.

"Mr. Fenton?"

"I shall make a confident guess, based on Mr. Lancer's teachings. What is _The Two Towers_?"

"What?" Trebek bafflingly wonders.

"Was it the Two Towers in Paris that the hobbits and elves fight over?"

"I think you meant _The Lord of the Rings_. Still incorrect."

Connery then buzzes in.

"Yes, Mr. Connery? And this better be good."

"Your mother thinks I fell for her. But she fell on me, Trebek! And she's loving it! Hahahaha!"

Again, Trebek is distressed over Connery's brash mouth. "I just want to point out that children are watching this program."

But Connery keeps laughing like a loony emperor.

"Let's just proceed with Nursery Math for $200. **This is the answer for the problem, 1 + 2**."

Danny rings in.

"Mr. Fenton?"

"What is the problem?"

Trebek just reacts in disgust. "Wow."

"I mean I get that this is nursery math. But what is the problem with this math problem? I don't think there is a problem."

"It seems you're just not getting the mechanics."

Lynn buzzes in.

"Yes, Lynn Loud?"

"I know I got this. I beat Lincoln and Lisa in Hungry Hungry Hippos. It's a subdivision in math that requires addition, fraction and guts to fill your guts! How about…what is one-ty two?"

Cue the wrong answer buzzer.

"What?"

"Is it how you answer 1 plus 2. One-ty two. There! Nailed it!"

The wrong answer buzzer buzzes again.

"That's not even a real number, Ms. Loud."

"Well, uhmmm I am the real thing."

"Don't even bother answering if you don't have anything sensible to answer."

Suddenly, another podium drives by. It is not just any other podium. It has horns on the front and is labelled for a very unique guest. And there he stood with his signature mustache, chewing jaws, red suit and distinctive voice. "'Sup there."

Alex Trebek greets him, "Burt Reynolds, what are you doing here?"

"That's not my name," the suave actor disclaims.

"Okay fine. Mr. Turd Ferguson."

"What's up, Alex? I want to use 50:50."

"No, this is not _Who Wants to be a Millionaire?_ "

"No, I am, Alex. I'm a…millionaire."

"Mr. Ferguson, I am afraid it's not your game today."

"No, it is. I am always game."

"Okay fine. Mr. Ferguson, please pick a category."

"Okay uhmmmm give me Farts for $600."

Then, the whole audience roar in laughter, making Trebek all the more aggravated. But, wanting to pay respect to the legendary actor, he keeps his frustrations inside. "Should have seen that coming. Let's go with 'F' Arts for $600." He reads the question: "This type of art showcases fine artworks and fine aesthetics."

Burt Reynolds then rings his buzzer.

"Burt Reynolds."

"What is Arthur meme?"

Cue the audience laughter. "No."

"Sure, it's Arthur meme. It's a meme. And it's about Arthur."

"Sorry, Mr. Reynolds, but it is incorrect."

Lynn then buzzes in.

"Lynn Loud."

"Who are you talking to?"

"That's not even an answer."

"No seriously, dude. Who are you talking to?"

"I was talking to…" As he is about to point to Burt Reynolds, he and his podium right beside Danny Fenton have vanished to thin air. "Wait, where's Mr. Reynolds?"

Connery cannot help but burst into laughter. "You crazy man! You're talking to air! Trebek is pining for air!"

"A little respect, Mr. Connery," Trebek says to him.

"Talking to air? It could only mean one thing: there is a ghost in the building!" With that, Fenton prepares his superhero stance. "I'm going ghost!"

But, surprise, he is unable to transform to his alter ego.

"I'm going ghost! I'm going ghost!" He keeps chanting until he quits to his podium.

"I can mostly say that you can't. Let's just go to Final Jeopardy. The category is about **Food**. And the questions is: **Do you like cake?** "

Cue the signature tone for Final Jeopardy, which prompts the three contestants to grab their special pen and write down their answers. Well, two since Lynn has been doing warm-ups.

"Just right, yes or no. It does not matter what answer you have. There's no right or wrong answer. Just tell if you like cake or no. And you win."

4…3…2…1…and time's up.

Trebek then walks to Connery's podium. "Alright, let's get this over with. Sean Connery, you wrote a check. Well, that qualifies an answer since a check signifies 'yes'. Let's see what you wagered." The screen then shows what Connery wagered: " **TREBEK LOVES AIR**." (The 'check' sign actually comes from the 'K', an allusion from his previous Celebrity Jeopardy answer: "Suck it, Trebek.")

Connery then bursts into laughter once more, successfully mocking the host. "Pining for air, Trebek! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"A little respect there, you need," Trebek mutters to him. "Ms. Lynn Loud, let's see what you wrote down." But the screen only shows Lynn's shattered monitor, complete with black ink spewing from the special LED monitor. "I think you just smashed your screen."

"Yeah, well," Lynn utters as she pulls out her baseball bat. "I kept swinging this bat. Part of my warm-up session, you know, for my next match tomorrow. Time to hit the homerun!" She then takes out her baseball and throw it on their air for her to hit with her bat, shooting the ball backstage and crashing some equipment. "Oops…"

Trebek then looks at her, disconcerted.

"Sorry, uhmmm do you have insurance?"

"Looks like you'll have a good game in court." Trebek then walks to Danny's podium. "Mr. Fenton, you wrote down: **Ghosts are real**."

"They are, Mr. Trebek! I can prove it!" Danny coaxes him.

"Prove it on another program. This is not _Mythbusters._ " Trebek then signs off, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy. I will now go home and ponder about my life. Good night."

But before he leaves, Connery leaps over him.

* * *

 _This chapter is dedicated to the famed Smokey and the Bandit star. Rest in peace, Mr. Reynolds._


	10. Loud House Characters Read Mean Tweets

Just for variety on this humor-based anthology piece, here is a _Mean Tweets_ session where in the characters of the _Loud House_ are sent by a third-party video production company to read, what else, mean tweets about them. Here they are:

Before she reads the mean tweet, Leni side-comments, "Mean tweets? I don't believe it. I don't believe there's anything mean on Twitter."

She eventually reads, " **leni loud i bet you make good friends with a pack of hungry lions. or a megalodon, that's better. like to see you try** "

She then happily replies, "Oh good. This ain't mean. She just wants me to be friends with lions and Meg A. Lodon. Okay I will." She navigates out of her Twitter app and browses on Facebook. "So, me-ga-lo-don. Click. Search. I bet she is a cool gal like me."

* * *

Girl Jordan also reads a mean tweet devoted to her, " **Girl Jordan? More like Hurl Jordin.** " She gives a slightly eek expression.

* * *

Lori comes next. She reads, " **had English classes today and discovered the importance of the word 'literally'. so lori, stop blaming or name-throwing her. she's a national treasure you hag** "

She then replies, "Really?"

* * *

Bud Grouse is also drawn in to the mix. He reads, " **We should throw out all mean neighbors in a dumpster fire. That includes you Grouse!** " He just simply nods.

* * *

Lana comes next. She reads the tweet, " **Mom loves the environment. And she wants me to be like Lana Loud. Meh. Her frog is a more better role model.** "

She seems to agree with the tweet. "Fair enough."

* * *

Before he reads the tweet, Rusty Spokes shares, "I hope it's not that mean. What could be meaner in Twitter?"

The mean tweet for him goes like, " **Rusty is what happens when you inject smallpox pores in Ron Weasley's less attractive cousin.** "

Rusty seems pleased about it. "Well. At least I was compared to a good-looking wizard."

* * *

Lynn Sr. and Rita, with Lily on Rita's arms, also participate in the Mean Tweets read.

Lynn Sr. reads the tweet for them. " **Lynn and Rita are the worst parents in Nickelodeon history. Timmy Turner's mom and dad had more dignity.** "

They react displeasingly to the camera.

Lily utters in gibberish, "Boo! Boo-boo!" And she blows blueberries to the camera.

* * *

Bobby participates in the proceedings. He reads, " **What happened to you Bobby Santiago? You were a hottie at first. Now you look and act like a baboon.** "

He just gives out a chuckle, seemingly agreeing with the tweet.

* * *

Lisa is next to read her mean tweet. It says, " **My nose bleeds every time that hack Lisa Loud spurts out her science mumbo-jumbo. #redcross** "

She eloquently reacts, "Well, that's one-sixteenth of my neurons being disposed over an unintelligent social media post. Time to expose myself again to Notorious B.I.G.'s discography."

* * *

Howard and Harold is also invited to the party.

Harold reads the tweet for them. " **i dont know if harold and howard are doing somthing great but they're just doing a dumb and dumber routine** "

Howard just bursts in laughter, followed by Harold who finds the tweet fine.

* * *

Lola comes next to read. The production guys expect this to be a "treat".

She reads, " **If I have Lola as a sister, I'd better call the exorcist immediately.** "

The 6-year-old pageant queen aspirant then looks to the camera menacingly. She evilly utters, "Oh really?" It is almost as if fire appears from her eyes.

* * *

Luan is next to read. She looks to the phone and dictates, " **Luan you scum of humanity. Pranks for nothing.** "

She happily replies, "Well, pranks to you. Hahaha!"

* * *

Clyde comes next. He dictates, " **clyde better get squashed by a truck at the next episode. he and cartman to.** "

He then grows suspicious over the contents of the tweet. "Dude, I don't think this is for me."

* * *

Lucy also willingly participates.

She reads through the tweet, " **Glad Twitter had already 280 characters 'coz I wanna type down a eulogy for Lucy. That mopey-dopey emo hokey.** "

Being the goth that she is, she regards this as a compliment. "Why thank you," she replies with a creepy smile.

* * *

Ronnie Anne also partakes in the reading mean tweets.

The one for her says, " **Thank goodness that Ronnie Anne is outta Royal Oaks. Seriously. Her voice makes my baby brothers cry.** "

Her upset face to the camera alone tells that she is angry inside.

* * *

Luna reads the mean tweet addressed to her, " **Bring umbrella in case Luna Loud sings.** "

She just lets out an uncontrollable chuckle, nodding her head in amusement, even though she is not amused on the inside.

* * *

Carl Casagrande happens to have mean tweet addressed to him.

Thus, he reads on camera, " **I'd date Carl if he disappears. Hehe.** "

Shrugging the tweet away, he romantically quips, "Alright, I'll disappear and reappear for you, babe, whoever you are."

* * *

Lynn Jr. reads the mean tweet, " **Lynn you make us athleets look bad by comparison. stop it. #athleetsarenotdum** ".

She just nods her head while facing to the phone.

* * *

Pop-Pop comes next to read aloud about the tweet he had. It reads, " **Old people should imitate Pop-pop. He likes everything his grandchildren does. Nepotism moron. Eat my shorts.** "

"I don't know what this guy wants," he reacts. "But I think he thinks I'm a moron who needs to eat my shorts? Is this real?"

* * *

And finally, Lincoln steps up to the read the mean tweet, specially addressed to him. It says, " **Listen ther Lincoln. You one of the reasons why white people are a problem in America. You with your white hair and you white arse. Screw you!** "

Lincoln reacts, "Seems someone is angry having misspelled his tweet. Looks like a huge percentage on Twitter." He then asks the crew, "Are there more tweets like this?"

They confirm, "Yes".

"There are?" Lincoln gasps in shock. "Well…guess not going to use the Internet for a couple of days. Is there some drink here?" After the shoot, the 11-year-old retreats to the backstage for a soda.

* * *

Any mean things you like to say to the _Loud House_ characters?


	11. Loud House Characters Read Mean Tweets 2

Here is another Mean Tweets session wherein the characters of _The Loud House_ are sent by a third-party video production company to read mean tweets about them.

Now, some of the tweets here are inspired from actual comments that I found on the _Loud House_ wiki. But in respect of the users and for originality, I paraphrased them and retooled them to resemble tweets.

So, without further ado, here they are:

Lynn gets first in the action. And in front of the camera, she reads out the tweet, " **lynn junior is cool and all. but she ain't no junior senior.** "

She is totally perplexed as to what the tweet is referring to. "I don't get it. Junior Senior? Who is that? Was he talking about junior and senior players?"

But the crew director points to her, "They are singers from Denmark."

"Singers? Okay…well, this tweet doesn't even make sense to begin with."

* * *

Clyde comes next. Once the prop phone is given to him, he reads, " **Did Clyde hit puberty or something 'cause that is terrifying** "

He just laughs it off. "Oh man!"

* * *

After Clyde, Luan proceeds with reading the mean tweet addressed to her. " **Fun fact: Luan Loud is the origin story of the Annoying Orange.** "

Like Clyde, Luan just bursts in laughter, literally rolling on the floor after. "My, oh my internet, you did something good for once. Orange you special? Hahahaha!"

* * *

In a surprise, Coach Pakowski is called to the studio and tasked to read a tweet towards him. He reads, " **Nobody notices the rap sheet of Coach Pakowski when he tries to beat up two kids? That's twice.** "

Pakowski just gives out an uneasy look on his face.

* * *

Lana comes next to read the tweet tailor-made for her. " **Why are you so impossible to hate, you termite-loving suckup Lana?** "

The 6-year-old just rolls in laughter. Her laughs echo on all corners of the studio.

* * *

Zach Gurdle is also given the opportunity to read a mean tweets for him. He reads it with cautions. " **So Zach…does he have…you know…a character?** "

He just looks to the camera with a puzzled look on his face.

* * *

Luna is next on reading a mean tweet for her. She reads enthusiastically, " **Why are some episodes focused on Luna instead of more interesting characters like say a desk lamp?** "

She then gives a look to the camera that says, "What the heck, dude?!" Just from that look, her enthusiasm died.

* * *

Haiku was also invited to the studio for the Mean Tweets segment. She then reads, " **Haiku is a 99 percent discount Wednseday Addams** "

She seems to agree, basing on her subsequent grunt. However, inside, she casts a fictional spell to the Twitter user.

* * *

Lisa comes next to read a nasty tweet for her. " **Lisa Loud is total creep with weird love for stool samples and sceince. Eww. Eat mine. #poopoo.** "

She then tells to the crew, "Folks, I believe this social media user might be suffering from a seizure or memory loss since he clearly did not apply proper grammar."

* * *

Flip then reads a mean tweets for him, " **Its okay to compare Flip to Mr Krabs. They're both cheap, crabby and need to retire** "

He then looks in the camera and proclaims, "At least there's one good thing we have in common. We sell food to you, whippersnappers, with your Goggles, and your Instacans, and your Bookfaces, and your Tweezers, and that thing you do to swipe the stupid people away…"

* * *

After that debacle, Lucy steps in to read a tweet for her. It says, " **Here's a question for Lucy: Does you even HAVE EYES?** "

She answers to the camera, "I am sure the dead would rise if you look on my eyes." For the final bomb, she gives out an eerily creepy smile, akin to Norman Bates and Alex from _A Clockwork Orange_ , complete with creepy violin music.

* * *

Liam gets invited to the studio to read a mean tweet for him. It says, " **Every time Liam smiles, he puts his eager face in the same way he does on the toilet.** "

He immediately laughs after reading the last word. Being new to Twitter, he just rolls it with the surprising humor from a mean comment addressed to him.

"My golly, this is good. This is good. Glad somebody likes my eager faces," he says.

* * *

Leni takes her turn on reading a mean tweet. She reads out loud, " **Sorry not sorry, Leni Loud, you're now my 9th fave of the cast of Shark dale**."

She then turns to the crew and utters, "I don't get it, guys."

* * *

Once again, Bud Grouse is told by the video crew to read a mean tweet for him. Sternly sitting on the stool, he reads, " **in behalf of the lasagnas in the world, i like to say this: stop murdering us, MR GROUSE #redsaucesmatter** ".

He just lets out an "mmph…" grunt.

* * *

Lola comes next after Mr. Grouse. She receives the phone and reads out loud a person's tweet, " **Lola Loud makes a good president if the president is a bratty six-year old who can't or doesn't like to read.** "

"Really? POTUS references?" she reacts, "This guys go way below the bottom of the barrel. At least I can read now."

* * *

Ronnie Anne is also invited to the studio for a round of mean tweets. But with what it is written, she finds it overly familiar. " **So glad that overrated Ronnie Anne left Royal Woods.** "

Immediately, she reacts, "This again?!"

* * *

Lori goes next. She takes the phone and reads the tweet, "Alright… **I hate it when a show keeps showing Lori's perfectly good feet fungus.** "

She feels speechless when reading the contents of the tweet. Her gradually disgusted look to the camera is what sums it up.

* * *

For the first time, Stella is invited to read mean tweet for her. It says, " **If Stellas a girl, i might not like it i hate girls** "

In an act of cool, she faces the camera and reacts to the Twitter user, "Well, I'm obviously a girl. Didn't you get it from my name 'Stella'? I mean really? And not to be a business of your hating but if you hate girls, I hope you don't hate your mom too."

* * *

Lincoln then takes his turn to read a negative tweet for him. He reads it, " **lincoln must have a flavor. like sunny d spoiled flavor juice** "

He turns to the camera and utters, "What?!"

* * *

And finally, Lily gets to read her own mean tweet. But since she speaks in baby gibberish, subtitles are added to this part of the video. She gladly takes the phone and reads the tweet, which translates to: " **I hate lily, I hate her, you baby #babysittingproblems** "

Immediately, the infant gets angry at the user that she bawls out her reaction in gibberish. The crew just let her rant and blow blueberries at the camera. In the end, she throws her diaper to the camera, cutting the video footage.

What the video does not show are five deleted scenes wherein Lily tries to grasp the phone that was given to her, only to bang it on her stool.

* * *

Backstage, Lori rocks Lily to sleep, and the camera is replaced.


	12. David S Pumpkins

One Halloween, Mr. and Mrs. Loud are invited to visit Royal Woods Elementary and try the Halloween attraction within the school building. This year's theme is "Haunted Classrooms". On that concept, the visitors jump from one room to another, where the real scares take place.

Once they arrive in the venue, they are guided by Rusty Spokes, who is dressed like a bellhop. "Mr. and Mrs. Loud, may I be at your service?"

"Why, one of Lincoln's friends! Roswell…? Rusty! Great to see you! We sure want a visit around here, in support of our son," Rita greets.

Lynn Sr., of course, still contains a little despondency for Halloween. So, he feels the same way, "Yeah, and since it is better Halloween than the one at home, might as well."

"Rest assured, you will surely enjoy the rest of the unrest," Rusty creepily implies, as part of the plan. He then shows them the line of classrooms with special attractions built for the occasion.

The first classroom shows a realm full of zombies. Then one kid in full zombie makeup does a jump scare to the folks. "I want your brains! Wah!"

"Whoa! Never saw that coming." Rita is surprised at that scare, while Lynn Sr. is not impressed.

"Nah, not impressed," Lynn Sr. reacts, "I've seen more jump scares in the attic."

"Well, in the attic, you are trapped!" Rusty expounds. "Second classroom!"

For the next classroom, a whole class of students with black eyes and red irises stare at the parents as the teacher conducts his lessons in the scariest manner.

The scary teachers then proclaims in a Vincent Price voice, "I'M GOING TO TEACH MATH!"

Rita gasps at the top of her lungs, and Lynn Sr. opens his eyes wide in amused fright.

"Okay, that one is real scary!" Rita reacts.

"Yeah, math is scary enough," Lynn Sr. replies.

"I can rely to you, Mr. L," Rusty shares. "Third classroom!"

And for the next attraction, three prominent figures lend wide smiles at them in creepy fashion. The two in both side are skeletons with wavy white hair, and the central figure is a man with curly hair, sharp eyebrows and pumpkin suit.

The figure takes center stage, "How's it hanging? I'm David Pumpkins. And I'm going to scare the heck out of you!"

{In reality, it is Coach Pakowski as David S. Pumpkins, and Lincoln and Clyde as the white and left skeleton, respectively. (See what I did there.)}

At his cue, the music starts and the white skeleton dances. On the next beat, the left skeleton dances crazily. At next, the figures swings his hands. And finally, the three dance in a silly beat.

To cap it off, the pumpkin figure ends with this immortal line, "Any questions?"

Thus, the attraction ends.

While Rusty is impressed, Lynn Sr. and Rita are accustomed but confused.

"Wow, that happened," Lynn Sr. reacts.

"Uhmm yeah, they revived David Pumpkins two years after," Rita shares her thoughts, "And I think one of those skeletons is our son."

However, Lynn Sr. reacts vehemently since, for someone reason, he has no idea who David S. Pumpkins is in the first place. So, he points it out on Rita, "What?! No! I meant that! I mean who is he? David Pumpkins? Was he like a cartoon character or somebody we should know?"

"Wait, you never heard of David Pumpkins?"

"No. Why should I?"

"Since he will be sticking to your mind, till your sanity is nowhere to find," Rusty interrupts in creepy, rhythmic fashion.

"Great! Thanks for helping, bellhop boy!" Lynn Sr. groans.

"Mrs. L, do the honors," Rusty says as he opens the door to the next classroom.

"Okay," Rita utters. "Look honey, the thing you need to know about David Pumpkins is that he is David Pumpkins. That's it."

"That's it? What's the point? Was he meant to be scary?" Lynn Sr. asks.

"Well, yeah."

"That was scary?"

But their talk is interrupted when Rusty opens the door to the next classroom. There, a girl in Annabelle makeup scares them. "Would you like to have tea party with me?"

Rusty leads Mr. and Mrs. Loud through and out of the room. But Lynn Sr. is still troubled about

"Now this is scary. Girl who looks like the creepy doll from _The Conjuring_. But David Pumpkins? Was he meant to be scary or was he a distraction?"

"Whatever he is or not, he will get out of your mind," Rusty speaks to them in creepy narrator fashion, ending with an evil snicker to boot, as part of the program.

"Are you meant to be scary, Rusty?" Rita asks randomly.

"I am not telling," he answers back. The excited Rusty then opens the door to the other classroom, which shows nothing but the same exhibit where David Pumpkins and his skeletons are. And for the parents, guess who is there?

"I AM DAVID PUMPKINS!"

While Rita wonders how the David Pumpkins attraction transferred to the next classroom that they entered, a really confused Lynn Sr. replies, "I know but who are you?"

"I am David Pumpkins, man!"

"But who is David Pumpkins?"

"His own thang!"

"And the skeletons are?"

"PART OF IT!" the white and left skeleton reply.

"What are you part of exactly?"

"To do THIS!"

Cue the silly dance music that sends the white skeleton dancing. After his cue, Pumpkins slaps him on the face with the back of his hand, cuing for the left skeleton to dance. Also after his cue, the kooky figure in a pumpkin suit slaps him likewise. Then, for the finale, Pumpkins prances from his spot.

"DAVID S. PUMPKINS!"

"Any questions?"

"YES! SEVERAL!" Lynn Sr. shouts to them as Rusty leads him and Rita out of the classroom, since there are guests on standby. The three figures just leave their bright-faced though creepy expressions for them to ponder. "He has a middle initial now!"

"Lynn, don't let David Pumpkins ruin more of your Halloween," Rita calms him down.

"David S. Pumpkins," Rusty reiterates.

"Great!" Lynn Sr. utters.

"Although, I am more curious as to how David 'S.' Pumpkins was able to transfer from this classroom when we dropped by the previous classroom he was in," Rita points out.

But Lynn Sr. is getting frantic on it. "Seriously, is that your biggest question?"

"The biggest question of the night is will you handle the final fright?" Rusty says as he shows the next classroom, which shows a student in detention with a straitjacket. (The student is played by Girl Jordan.)

"AHHHH! I will not…not dance with David Pumpkins!"

Just on that cue, the music plays and the three Halloween figures enter the scene with their creepy smiles staring at them.

After that, Rusty shuts the door for a petrified Lynn Sr. and Rita Loud.

"Okay, are these classrooms interconnected or something? How was David S. Pumpkins able to appear from one classroom after another?" Rita asks Rusty.

"I am not telling," Rusty sneers. "Next classroom!" But as Rusty opens the door, there is no one. But the classroom is decorated in flowing toilet paper, fog smoke and red lighting. He then points out to a normal teacher putting a table in the middle of the classroom, along with two chairs. "Get in."

Unsettlingly, though less for Lynn Sr.'s case, the two sit on the chairs. They are unsure as to what the program will be for this set.

But the two skeletons from David S. Pumpkins' entourage enter the classroom in creepy fashion. They then stare at the folks.

"Okay, it's just the skeletons now," Rita utters. "I think I know what's about to happen."

"Ready or not!" the white skeleton belches.

"Here we dance!" the left skeleton finishes.

Cue the silly dance music that sends the white skeleton dancing. And for the second music cue, the left skeleton dances.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!"

Mr. and Mrs. Loud are just bewildered at the simple choreography from the creepy-looking skeletons. But not in the tip of their tongue that the ultimate scare lands on their face: DAVID S. PUMPKINS appears right behind them in their middle to say his immortal line, "ANY QUESTIONS?"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Rita is largely surprised, but Lynn Sr. is the most frightened.

* * *

As they leave the school attraction, the parents also get a souvenir photograph, showing the last scare by Pumpkins and his skeletons. Rita gives a surprised jerk but Lynn Sr. shows a facial expression that he cannot bear to look at.

"This looks fine," Rita says.

"Looks fine?!" Lynn Sr. replies. "Okay, they basically scared me, which is the thing. But they scared me! They can't do that on Halloween!"

"Sure they can."

"Oh, it's not that bothers me. I am still wondering as to what, why and who is that David S. Pumpkins!"

As they board Vanzilla, Lynn Sr. fixes the rearview mirror, only to see their host of the night at the back of the van, with his skeletal comrades.

"ANY QUESTIONS?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


	13. Loud House Characters Read Mean Tweets 3

Here is the third _Mean Tweets_ session featuring the cast of _The Loud House_. Funny enough, the video is featured in local Royal Woods television and is circulated in the Internet. It is the same procedure: each character is called one at a time to a studio to read a mean tweet directed towards them, in front of a camera.

* * *

Lisa becomes the first to be featured, and she reads this offending tweet: " **just watched that episode called house of lies. And I think lisa might be worse than george orwell** "

When she looks at the camera, her face is stunned at the comment for its defense of eluding her gesture in that episode to an author of a deeply studied dystopian novel.

* * *

Clyde comes next, reading this tweet: " **Clyde, can you do something in your life? You germaphobic twurp** "

He just shrugs off the comment, saying, "Man, this person has some serious issues. In his spelling I mean. If there are others, I'd be glad to help."

* * *

Lucy is the next to be featured. She sits on the stool at the center and reads from the prop phone given to her, " **Lucy Loud is the coolest sister** …" She pauses, nearly breathless from the next part of the tweet. "… **to take to the afterlife and leave her there.** "

She just coolly replies, "Why thank you for that pleasing comment. I would like to reach out my invitation to you…from the afterlife." Her eventual creepy smile says it all.

Ronnie Anne is invited to the set, all the way from Great Lakes City. The producers secretly give her a ride from her apartment building. She is given the prop phone and is asked to read this tweet about her: " **Ronnie anne is having her own tv show. Great…** "

She then snaps back to the Twitter user by using to the camera, "Well, at least I have my own TV show. Try beating that."

The next guest is Leni, and she is told to read this tweet: " **If that airhead leni whines about being stuck in a baby crib, she is qualified to be president.** "

Leni then looks at the camera, dumbfounded. "I don't get it."

* * *

Lori's former rival Carol Pingrey is invited for the first time in the set to read this tweet: " **carol pingrey's potty last night is awesome!** "

She just chuckled at that sort of misleading joke. "What?"

* * *

Relating to Lori, she comes up next to read this tweet, possibly from the same user who tweeted to Carol Pingrey. " **I heard Lori is planning a real cool potty** "

"Was this real?" she asks the crew behind.

* * *

The next to be invited for the first time is Lincoln's homeroom teacher Ms. Agnes Johnson. She is given the phone and reads the tweet, " **Hate to be mean but Ms Johnson looks wicked in that mechanical rodeo #HappyTeachersMonth** "

She reacts, "I don't know if this is sarcasm or what. But I think this guy might have just browsed at my Facebook account."

* * *

After her, Lynn takes her turn to read a tweet tailor-made for her: " **Hit me with balls again Lynn. And I'll hit you too** "

The athlete junkie quickly reacts to this, "Awww…you wanna hit me? Trying hitting me with any. If you have any balls 'cause I had lots of 'em." She concludes it with a devious sneer.

(Behind the scenes, Lincoln, who is there to accompany Lynn at that time, gasps at her sister's sudden entendre. "Mom and dad would not like this," he gasps.)

* * *

Rusty is invited back to the studio to read this tweet: " **If you think you are ugly you haven't seen Rusty Spokes.** "

He just slowly looks at the camera, stunned and speechless.

* * *

Lincoln then comes next to reading a tweet that says " **Must be dope when you still tolerate that white kid from frigging Loud House** ".

The 11-year-old just bursts into laughter, taking joy from the obvious insult.

* * *

For the first time, Sam from Luna's posse accepts an invitation from the video crew to read a mean tweet for her. She sits down on a stool and reads the tweet from the prop phone. " **Rest assured Sam plays like a baby with a toy piano.** "

She just simply smiles in reaction.

* * *

Lola comes next after Sam. She presents herself with poise in front of the camera until she is given the prop phone. She reads, " **Lola talks to her stuff toys. That's creepy.** "

The young beauty queen aspirant then fires back, "I mean, let's be frank here. Who's the one who tweeted to a kid about her toys? I think that's creepy."

On an unprecedented move, the video crew is able to invite sensational rock star Mick Swagger to the studio to read a mean tweet for them. It is this pedigree that the staff becomes excited.

* * *

He settles down on the stool and reads the tweet, lending his British accent, " **There were five radio stations playing just Mick Swagger songs. This proves my theory that the Dark Ages are still happening** "

The rock star just bursts in laughter. "Oh baby, that's kinda good."

* * *

Speaking of Mick Swagger, Luna drops by in the studio to read this tweet: " **luna must be the best singer since roseanne** "

The 15-year-old looks stunned at that awkwardly timed tweet joke. Too bad Mick Swagger left right away to not witness his biggest fan suffer a big blow. "Too soon, bruh…"

* * *

Pop-Pop goes next in reading a mean tweet for him. It says, " **Overlooked fact: the grampa from Loud House is a space booger from a white rabbit's nose** "

He just simply grunts.

* * *

After Pop-Pop, Lana comes next and reads this tweet addressed to her, " **Kept confusing Lana for Llama or Lama. Whatever I'll just call her Cat Barf** "

The mud enthusiast immediately erupts in laughter. Instead of being offended, Lana is rather impressed. "Oh man, that's actually an awesome name!"

* * *

Stella makes her second mean tweet session. However, the tweet that she read says: " **Sometimes when you feel down, you have to think to yourself you are better than that rotting corpse Stella. Sorry not sorry** "

The new girl's face reads a lot of eek awkwardness.

* * *

Luan then has her turn for a mean tweets session. She is given the prop phone, an iPhone 7, to read this tweet: " **Luann might find a good audience with hyenas. Send her to Africa now #GetRidofLuan #Unfunny #ItsTimeforAfrica** "

The comedienne immediately takes it back to the Twitter user, "Nice try but I think you might have tweeted to the wrong person. Because you know, Luan only has one 'n'. And I think you must have ENvied those hyenas for laughing."

She can almost hear the stock laughter in her mind. "Fitting to since their jokes are spicy. Might I say it's _laugh-rica_."

After firing that forced pun, several boos come from the audience.

"Yeah, go on. At least his tweet will go…south. Hahaha. Get it?"

* * *

And finally, the Loud parents Lynnn Sr. and Rita attend a mean tweets session as a couple. Lynn Sr. holds the phone while Rita reads this tweet: " **Tough to choose. Count Olaf or those parents from Loud House? Guess sticking my head to the toilet doesn't look all that bad** "

"Should that offend us?" Lynn Sr. asks his wife.

"Yeah, I think we should," a caring Rita despondently replies.

Immediately, Lynn Sr. reinforces, "Well, we are truly offended!" The Loud family patriarch just projects childish faces and pouty mouths as a threat, much to Rita's embarrassment.


	14. Dead Poets Society Spoof

**Warning for gory themes**

* * *

It is an oppressive time in Lincoln's poetry class. Their exclusive poetry teacher, Mr. Bunting, has been recently dismissed, due to accusations of a student getting expelled because of his unorthodox teaching.

Everyone is silent about the case that the ceiling goes low, and so does the ceiling fans. We shall get to that matter.

But in the meantime, for all the students in class, it is a despondent matter.

That is when a furious Principal Higgins enters in full rage. The students stand up, but Higgins insists, "Sit down, students! As you know, Mr. Bunting will not be teaching this class. Therefore, the school administration is still settling for a new poetry teacher. In the meantime, I shall precede this class."

Hearing that news again makes the class feel sourer and more saddened.

"Now, to begin, tell me: what is poetry? In our own words. What is it?"

But the class remains silent.

"No one?"

They still remain silent.

"Well then, let's just proceed with the lesson. Turn your books to Page 1."

Rusty then raises his hand.

"Mr. Spokes!"

"Uhmmm Principal Higgins, we ripped out the pages," he shyly answers.

"And turn them to paper boats," Zack unwisely adds. "And also other origami. It's great."

"Now then, you can borrow mine." Higgins then slams the hardbound poetry book to Clyde's desk. "Now read! Read McBride."

Fearfully, Clyde flips to Page 1 and reads the passage about poetry. "Poetry is a disgusting form of art that literacy people use to express themselves. But actually, they are lazy scumbags. Poems in general make you feel special, as if you have a special disability. They are only designed for social justice workers who won't stop whining about rich people. Art in general is a shameless waste of time. There is no future in art, nor in poetry, nor in criticizing your telecom companies for slow internet. There is…"

Suddenly, Mr. Bunting shows up from the door. He has raven hair with strokes of dark grey and ash. His face is wrinkly and his posture is poise and polite. He is in his red necktie, grey cardigan over his white polo shirt, and his long black coat. But he still feels the heaviness of being removed from a position that he really loves. He is really inspired from one of Robin Williams' most endearing characters. Upon entering the room, he requests to Principal Higgins, "Sorry, I am here to get my personals. Should I wait after class?"

"It's okay, Mr. Bunting," he responds harshly. "Continue, Mr. McBride."

Clyde does so, "There is but one place in poetry. And that is nowhere. Any type of poet must be ashamed and humiliated for choosing a profession from more important professions like beet farming, dog walking engineering, fertilizer designer, embroidery, computer vulcanizing, debunking the 'fake news media' and…"

However, Lincoln bravely stands up for Mr. Bunting. "Mr. Bunting, please don't leave! They made us sign those papers!"

"That's enough, Mr. Loud," Principal Higgins coaxes him.

"Lincoln, it's okay," Bunting persuades him.

"Please Mr. Bunting!" Lincoln keeps calling out to him.

Principal Higgins then warns him. "If you don't sit down now, it's expulsion for you and the rest of your class."

That is enough to convince Lincoln to sit down for the remainder of this confrontation.

Higgins finally finishes off to Mr. Bunting. "Leave Mr. Bunting right now!"

The two see eye to eye, with Higgins projecting a seriousness on his face and Bunting displaying compassion yet vulnerability over confronting the high authority figure in the classroom. Seeing no reason to fight back, Mr. Bunting leaves the classroom.

But in plain sight of hope gone, the students decide to take a stand.

Rusty holds his classroom chair and stands on top of it in full courage. He then proclaims their class' and their society's battle cry, "O captain! Here's my song to hear!"

"Sit down now!" Higgins reprimands him. But that does not scare him.

Clyde comes next to take a stand of rebellion. He then shouts at the top of his lungs, "O captain! Here's my song to hear!"

Zack is deeply moved by this. Thus he stands up on the desk and shouts, "O captain! Here's my song to hear!"

"Sit down! Or else, you're expelled!" Higgins tries his best to coax them, to no avail.

Liam joins the group and shouts, "O captain! Here's my song to hear!"

Mr. Bunting cannot help but feel heartened by this act of dedication, shown by his students for his courageous teachings and relentless devotion to his students' welfare.

He could see Rusty, Clyde, Liam, Zack, Girl Jordan, Penelope and two other boys making a stand for him. This is how he moves his students.

But it all comes down to Lincoln, who wishes to muster the same amount of courage that his friends have shown but could not. Yet, even with doubt inside, he still positions the desk at the right angle and prepares to join his brothers and sisters in valor.

On the top of his lungs, he proclaims, "O captaii….."

SSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

His head goes after getting decapitated by the low-lying ceiling fan.

The chopped head of Lincoln Loud send propelling to Mr. Bunting's box with gushing blood.

However, his main body keeps gushing blood, spraying on Clyde, who is behind him. Clyde tries to move it away to his right. But blood and organs spray on Rusty's and Liam's face. More organs are sprayed onto the students, leaving the classroom entirely bloody. Zack tries to control the body, but it keeps spraying blood to his face.

Frightened of holding his student's literal head, Mr. Bunting throws it to Principal Higgins, who then throws it with fear and disgust outside the classroom. It does not come apparent that he inadvertently throws Lincoln's head to a wood chipper that surely gushes out the blood, flesh and internal organs of Lincoln's head.

The class is entirely aghast from such a bloody experience that they just stayed still from where they are now.

But Mr. Bunting does not want to prolong this blood-gushing moment. Thus he leaves awkwardly. "Alright, I shall get going then." He then picks up his personals on the floor. "You guys have my email right?"

The students are just still, despondent and flabbergasted.

"Okay. Well, go Royal Woods." And with that, the blood-stained Mr. Bunting leaves the room.

Thus, there goes the tale of that oppressive time where Lincoln does not want to see _Saw VII_ ever again. But, he keeps recalling that slasher flick.

The lesson: keep blood in the body at all times.

 _Farewell, Mr. Bunting_


	15. Celebrity Jeopardy 4 (feat Lori)

Here is another installment of _Celebrity Jeopardy_ , where bumbling contestants compete to receive a winning prize that they can give to charity. However, when such bumbling contestants take part on the game, expect hilarity to ensue.

After the commercials, the program resumes, and Alex "Will Ferrell" Trebek greets the audience, "Welcome back to _Celebrity Jeopardy_. As you may have noticed, I have changed my white suit with the usual navy blue one. It turns out that the former had triggered an unwarranted reaction from one of our contestants."

Just at the mention of that case causes a pompous laughter out of the prideful Sean "Darrell Hammond" Connery. "Oh you dandy! You may have changed your color but that does not make you less of a dunce! HAHAHAHAHA!"'

The audience somehow laughs along with Connery, with Trebek just maintaining a straight yet contempt face in the proceedings. "Seems you are enjoying the show yourself." After such a mishap of an introduction, Trebek goes along with the show, "Well, before we move to Double Jeopardy, let us look at the scores…"

"Lori Loud takes the lead with -$10."

After that introduction, Lori speaks to the audience, "Thank you Alex. Thank you everybody. I just want to say that I am literally winning right now. So I will literally take the grand prize."

Trebek reiterates, "No, you literally have -$10. Emphasis on the negative."

"Well, I want to be literally positive that I least I have a number other than zero." Lori then waves at the ever responsive audience. "Thank you to everyone! And to Bobby, Boo-Boo Bear, I literally love you." She ends her greeting with a flying kiss to the camera (for Bobby).

Trebek just blandly reacts, "Touching. On second place, we have Sokka with -$7400."

Cue the audience applause and cheers as they welcome Sokka, who is swinging his boomerang. "Alex, you have to be careful. The Fire Nation might strike again." He then positions himself in a defensive stance, as if he is in combat.

Trebek is nevertheless not amused. "You do know that all four nations live in harmony, right?"

"Yeah, but you wouldn't know that after the end of _The Legend of Korra_ ," he enunciates, "The ending has a lot of burning questions."

Cue the audience laughter after that unintentional punchline.

"Good luck with that one," Trebek remarks. "Okay, let's move to Double Jeopardy. And the categories are **Potent Potables** , **Famous Big Birds** , **How Computers Work** , **Midterm Elections** …" He then disclaims about that category, "It's about the latest midterm elections. So I suggest you not to take that category." He moves on to the next category, " **Make a Noise** , **Cat or Dog** …" He also emphasizes on the latter category, "That is when we show you a picture and you guess if it is a cat or a dog."

Connery abruptly wonders, "So there's no cow then? Hahahaha!"

Trebek just brushes off his pompousness. "Way too early, Mr. Connery."

"And finally, **Numbers that End in 'Ine'**."

Trebek then gives the floor to Lori, the leading contestant, "Ms. Loud, since you have the highest score, we'll start with you."

She then expresses her own feelings, "Well, I don't want to literally mess things up because we're playing fair. But I need more concentration as to how to master this jeopardy since sometimes, things in the Loud House are in jeopardy. So, you know…"

Just as she keeps blabbing suddenly, Trebek vehemently interrupts her, "Ms. Loud, can you please pick a category?"

In return, Lori abruptly ends her monologue, "…you know what I'll choose a category that we'll win a lot of hearts over."

"So have you picked a category?"

"Uhmmm…where do I pick?"

Trebek cringes on the inside from Lori's sudden inanity. He then switches to Sokka, "Mr. Sokka, why don't you pick?"

"Why I don't pick?" Sokka replies. "It's because I never pick on those little than me. I only pick on my enemies!"

Trebek again cringes on the inside with that blatant misunderstanding. He finally switches to Connery. "Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?"

"Well, well, you seemed to go to the last resort. I'll take Midterm Erections for $600."

Cue the audience laughter.

"It's Midterm Elections, Mr. Connery, not Erections," Alex corrects him. "We have kids watching, Mr. Connery."

"You ain't kidding, huh? Well, I'll ask you how your mother is doing when she tells me, 'My lovely kid won't mind.' HAHAHAHAHA!"

Trebek simply projects a displeased face to Connery, like he always do after he says off-color comments in the show. "Never mind." He immediately picks the category for them, "Let's just pick **How Computers Work** for $400. _This computer hardware places numerical and letter KEYs on a plastic BOARD_."

Sokka rings in.

"Mr. Sokka?"

"What is the stealthy strategy by the Metal Benders to infiltrate the Avatar's archival records?"

Trebek immediately sways his head. "No!"

Lori rings in.

"Ms. Loud?"

"What is a board key?"

Alex is immediately surprised at the near correct answer given by Lori. He then coaches her to nail the answer. "Wait Lori, I think you almost got it. Just switch the two words from their place. What is your answer?"

"Wait…switch the two words? Is it Bey Koard?"

The wrong answer buzzer triggers.

"Wow," Trebek passively utters.

Sean Connery then rings in.

"Oh good, Mr. Connery. Hope you have something that makes sense this time."

"Don't be a key, man. HAHAHAHA!" the former James Bond actor quips, sending a sound of hilarity from the audience.

Trebek just simply reacts with a despondent expression on his face. But he simply keeps focus on hosting the show. "Let's just move on to **Famous Big Birds** for $200. _This famous yellow big bird is featured in Sesame Street_."

Lori then rings her buzzer.

"Yes Ms. Loud?"

"What is the Big Yellow Taxi?"

Alex is rather infuriated at her answer when the correct one is obviously implied in the question. "No, incorrect."

"No wait," Lori says as she tries to give another answer, "Wait, what's Tweetie Bird?"

The buzzer triggers "wrong answer".

"Still incorrect." Trebek then reiterates the question, " _This famous yellow BIG BIRD is featured in Sesame Street_."

Connery then rings the buzzer.

"Yes Mr. Connery?"

"This is a simple one. Who is Kim Jong-Un?"

Cue the audience laughter.

"What?!"

"You know, the prime minister of North Korea, who wants to blow up the world with his weapons?" The one Pierce Brosnan tries to stop once? The one who is a massive…"

But realizing the punchline for his wording, Trebek stops him from there. "No, Mr. Connery. We get it. Let me repeat that children are watching this show."

"Oh, you gave that same excuse thrice now." Connery then switches to his pompous personality, "What's the matter, Trebek? Scared of a famous Big Bird?"

"No…no…Mr. Connery. You don't have to…" Trebek tries to intervene but Connery keeps going.

"Well, if you were to ask me, Dr. Ken is the famous Big Bird on the street. But I am the famous Big Bird on this show. HAHAHAHA! And your mother loves it! HAHA!"

The "he said it" moment just drops like a bomb spouting laughing gas to the audience.

Needless to say, Trebek is displeased. He then tells the viewers, "Just a reminder to the audience, if it seems your childhood has been shattered, due to the off-color content from one particular contestant, I firmly apologize."

"BIG BIRD!" Connery hollers.

Without choice, Trebek moves to the Final Jeopardy. "Let's just move to the Final Jeopardy. And the final category is…" After looking at the question, he rips the game card and, per usual, gives out a new task on the spot. "You know what, let's just do something simpler. Please write down your pet peeves. Write down the things you are annoyed at and you win."

Cue for the lights to dim and for the background theme to sound off the players to write down their answers to the podium's tab.

"You should know this more than I do," Trebek hints. "Just think of a negative experience or object that triggers you to be annoyed. This is the easiest as you can go."

Each of the contestants displays a slight sense of seriousness as each of them write down their answers. Lori has been taking selfies, and then browses her phone for notes to place on her answer board. Sokka is too determined to write down his answer. And Connery is brainstorming for answers until he receives one.

 _4…3…2…1…Time's up!_

"Okay, let's just check each of your answers." Trebek goes first at Lori's podium. "Ms. Loud, you wrote: **Literally**." Cue the audience laughter. "Because of course you wrote down 'literally'."

"Well, I literally would have answered anything but I literally can't even," Lori answers in a posh manner.

Trebek is unmoved. "This is literally cringing. And you wagered: **Everything, but conditions apply**." Trebek then places the words together: " **Literally Everything, but conditions apply**."

"Right Alex," she says. But she tells to the camera, "But I'm not annoyed at you, my lovely family and my Boo-Boo Bear."

"I'll leave you with that." While Lori is busy mugging and flaunting at the camera, Trebek moves to Sokka's podium. "Mr. Sokka, let's see what you wrote down." The screen then shows Sokka's map of a battle strategy plan. "You seemed to have placed a map for your plan."

"Yeah, 'cause you know, you need to lay down a perfectly formulated plan to outsmart the enemy," Sokka explains.

"And you think that is a pet peeve?" Alex asks, clearly not hoping for a better answer from him.

"Yeah! For them!"

"Good luck with that." Trebek just simply walks to Connery's podium. "Mr. Connery, your answer is: **Plowing**. Plowing? Are you annoyed at farmers?"

"They drill grounds and till their fields," Connery explains.

"I don't know what's annoying about that."

"The sound."

"Okay, understood."

"Let's just see what you wagered: Your Mum. **Plowing Your Mum**."

Connery instantly laughs at the top of his lungs for another Connery innuendo being pulled at poor Alex Trebek. "HAHAHAHA! Plowing your mum! Take that! Hahaha!"

Trebek just simply shrugs that off. "I'm sorry everyone. That's all. I quit."

But even as the show ends, Connery clings to Trebek's shoulder out of laughing hysterically. But Trebek nudges him out. Yet, Connery still latches to him like a cat.


	16. Season's Greetings from the Louds

At the front of a department store, in the middle of snowfall, four of the Loud sisters – Luna, Lori, Leni and Luan – prepare their set as they plan to perform for the bystanders for charity. Luna is with a single-string wooden guitar, Lori is in charge of playing keys from the synthesizer, Leni holds the said synthesizer on both sides and Luan just stands there. The sisters are all wearing crazy red sweaters to suit their theme.

First, Lori plays random keys that emit a bass sound with an echo sound surround effect.

After that, Luna gives the signal to perform, "1…2…1, 2…1, 2, 3, GO!" And off Luna goes, strumming that silly wooden guitar passionately on a kazoo-like riff.

The other three sisters just swing to the beat, most especially Luan since she is assigned only to dance by pushing her fists and swaying her body

 _Tatatata-tata-tata…Tatatata-tata_

" _I don't care what your momma says! Christmas time is near!_ "

" _I don't care what your daddy says! Christmas time is dear!_ "

" _All I know is Santa's sleigh is making its way to the USA!_ "

Cue Luna's single-note riffing. _Tatatata-tata-tata…Tatatata-tata_

The girls are just jiving along, with Lori swinging her arms, Len swinging her head and Luan just plain swinging, as if her dancing is enough of a good contribution.

" _I don't care what the newsman says! Christmas is full of cheer!_ "

" _I don't care if you think it's a lie! Christmas will soon be here!_ "

" _I don't care about anything except hearing them sleigh bells ring-a-ding-ding!_ "

" _I wish it was Christmas today!_ "

" _I wish it was Christmas today!_ "

Lori sings along but mistakenly refers to it as: " _I wish Christmas it was anyway!_ "

Cue again Luna's single-note riffing. _Tatatata-tata-tata…Tatatata-tata_

Lori also fills the rest of the riff with background synthesizer rhythms…for cohesion.

And with that, their performance ends.

The four of them take a bow before their winter-clothed audience. Cue the round of applause.

But as she bows, Leni accidentally slips the keyboard of her hands, landing on her feet. "Ouch!"

Even with a pleased audience, the police are not pleased, and they arrive at the scene. "Ladies, you are unauthorized to perform in this area. You are all under arrest."

With that warning, Leni kicks the synthesizer to the air and strikes it on the one Caucasian officer. This gives for the girls to pack up and leave.

Luna then announces to everyone, "Thank you for hearing us, dudes! If you like more of us, call us. But please donate to 'Stop Cartoon Network from Cancelling Good Shows' Foundation. Your support is worth to us! Thank you and we love you!"

After that, Lori uses the synthesizer as a snowboard, and the sisters get onboard, taking advantage of the frozen path before them. Thanks to that, they are able to evade the cop, who was just ganging for their attention.

Escaping the cop, the girls at skate scream, "Woohoo!", as Luna riffs her guitar wildly like _Mad Max: Fury Road_.


	17. Lynn's EastWest WNBA Moment

Lynn joins in her dream team from the local sports scene, the Junior WNBA East/West Conference. The competition differs from the standard NBA conferences and is more resembling of the All-Star games. So, Lynn takes the opportunity to qualify for the East Team lineup and represent not only Royal Woods but also Michigan in the team.

In part of that, the athletic Loud sister is also featured in the promos featuring the East and West teams. And to say the least for the other players of both teams, they seem to resemble a lot of familiar faces for Lynn Jr.

Here is the promo:

After the fancy WNBA graphics, two newscasters are featured.

"Hello viewers, I'm Katherine Mulligan, Royal Woods' finest announcer."

"And I'm Rand Omanker, and I have been a sportscaster for the last thirty minutes." Rand Omanker is a recently hired black American sportscaster, who started off as a simple YouTuber.

"We report to you live in the Royal Woods Arena where the Junior WNBA conference takes place. Tonight, we're about to feature our brand new junior players from the East and West conferences in today's exciting match. And Rand, I tell you, we have an exciting band eclectic lineup for this season's conference."

"Yes, that's right, Katherine. Both East and West try their hardest to fine the finest female middle school and high school players in the game. Let's first meet the players from the West."

At that cue, along with the transition graphics from CSPN, the East Conference players introduce themselves.

First goes Lynn in (confident) bragging fashion. " **Lynn Loud Jr. - Royal Woods Elementary** ".

Then, the second player who looks almost like a gender-swapped Clyde with dreadlocks at the back of her hair steps in to introduce herself in a chill fashion. " **Jadine Tylersen - Pickens School, Pickens, West Virginia** ".

Then goes the third player who looks like Luan with her hair down. And she spouts her lines monotonously. " **Maribel Goodenough - Pingree School** ".

Next comes a Leni lookalike with messy wavy hair and laidback attitude. " **Tansy Ho-stuart - Amistad Academy District** ".

Next enter the fifth player, who looks like Lori impersonating Karen from Mean Girls with one pigtail and loose gestures. " **Cecilia Umbreckin-McHart - Old Mill High School** ".

Then, transition to the next player who looks exactly like Luna, facial feature and attitude and all. " **Freya Fhest - Dixie County School District** ".

Cue to the seventh player, who bears a liking to Lincoln facially, only her hair is brown and her age is that of a fourteen year-old. " **Pastrami Enpanini - East Side Community High School** ".

The eighth player is from Delaware, who looks and sounds like Lucy with her hair bunned up to resemble cat ears. And she looks to the camera with all the deadpan perfection to introduce herself, " **Kat Miao - Red Lion Christian Academy** ".

Then, the nine player introduces herself; she is a more uplifting type with her glowing orange hair, her perky posture and her cheery smile, though with the looks and voice of Luna. " **Callie Maybie - Pleasantville High School** ".

Next comes the tenth player of the team, who is a more stiff and formal type, but whose physical appearance (except her dark brown, combed gel hair and deepened voice) is direct to Leni's. " **Leigh Mann-Brothers - City Charter High School, Downtown** ".

Then, the eleventh player introduces herself. She is a brasher and louder type, given that she just looks like Clyde with black ponytailed hair and bigger physique. " **Jammy Jamie Jammie Jams-Jameson - Natchez High School** ".

Transition to the next player, who looks like a cross between Lucy (from her deadpan delivery) and Anna Wintour (from her bob hair). " **Chantel Numerford - New York Fashion Academy** ".

In comes the thirteenth player, who is more rural based with her pigtails and her farmer lingo, but somehow resembles Lori. " **Holly Molly Mackerel - Toll Gate High School** ".

Cue the fourteenth player, who is an uptight, first-class type with her 40's hairstyle, Hollywood starlet voice and well-groomed posture, though with a physical resemblance to Lynn. " **Chelsea Dagger - Fratelli Academy** ".

Second to the last player is one whose brown hair is thick, whose face is filled with freckles, and whose arms are hairy. But her physique resembles that of Lincoln's. " **Tangela Dodgett - Kanto State Regional High School** ".

And finally, the sixteenth player introduces herself, and her proud attitude is telling. Her selling point is that confidence from her yellow sweatband and Space Jam fanaticism, delivered with near physical similarity to Luan. " **Diane Urarms - Grosse Pointe North High School** ".

After that introduction from the East team, the two sportscasters have nothing but praise for them, regardless of their on-the-nose names.

"Now, that's an astonishing starter for the East," Katherine comments, "I tell you, we are hearing a lot of news from Lynn Loud Jr. as she is keeping score prior to this season."

"You got it there," Rand cues in. "But let's not forget as well the underdogs of the team, Tansy Ho-stuart and Pastrami Enpanini. They've been good as well."

Katherine agrees, not realizing the ridiculous names and the conviction that Rand did to say those names on air.

"Now, let's check the players in the West."

With that cue, again with the transition graphics from CSPN, the West Conference players introduce themselves.

First comes a bucktoothed, short-haired brunette who looks and talks like Leni. " **Darsey 'Goofy' Gruber - Alsea High School** ".

Then comes the second player, who bears a physical similarity to Helga or Lori impersonation Helga with the monobrow, the pink bow and the twang in her voice. " **May Sharona-DeNack- Nevada State High School of Las Vegas** ".

Transition to the next player, who looks like Lynn if her hair is down, her voice is gentler and her personality is more Latina-like. " **Maria Christina Alexandra Anna Karenina Vicky Christina Barcelona - Compton High School of Alaska** ".

In comes the fourth player, whose appearance veers more on Willow Smith being impersonated by Clyde (but she is not played by Clyde himself). " **Mariana Mazzucato Trench - Kootenai Junior/Senior High School** ".

Cue to the fifth player introduced, who has a short brown hair with a clip, a knowing face and a resemblance to Luan. " **Deborah Downer II – Jokake School for Girls, closed down** ". Then, she make her cringe expression more apparent on camera, complete with "wah-wah" trombone sound cue.

Next is a girl with a rasta hat, loose dreads and surprisingly pale skin. But she pulls out a Jamaican under the voice and tone of Lucy. " **Jazz Mackenzie Burger - Laupāhoehoe Community…Public Pool** ".

Then, the seventh player is introduced; she sports a look that resembles today's young musical artists with her long brown ponytail but possess the stature of female Lincoln. " **Mocha Macchiato Venti – Seattle's Best Academy** ".

Then appears the eighth player, who is a tanner-skinned Lori but has a look that recalls Roberta Brown-Cleveland from _The Cleveland Show_. " **Buena Yakima Washington - Yakima Online High School** ".

Transition to the next player, and it features a pale-skinned teen, whose bonecheeks are apparent and who bears an evil accent out of the body of Luna. " **Evel Queen Salmonella - Hardin High School, Class A** ".

In comes the tenth player, who looks like a resident of an ancient African nation and possess the physique of Clyde. " **WaQuanda Forevurr - Avengers Academy** ".

Next player is a pure blonde with a Valley Girl accent, so of course she bears a resemblance to Lynn, her frequent hardship of pronouncing words included. " **Talulalulatulalulalah Ray - Commoner Eileen State Middle School** ".

Cut to the next player, whose appearance bears too much similarities to Luna's brief alter-ego as Lulu from Really Loud Music, only with golden brown hair. " ***Mariah Carey Voicing* - East High Elementary** ".

The thirteenth player from the West is a natural blonde that is just a carbon-copy of Leni, from physical appearance to tonal delivery. " **SaraMarshal #NautFogettin - Kristen Graham Bell School University** ".

Then, a young buffed-up female basketball player is introduced, bearing a similitude to a tough guy version of Luan. " **Tundra *Thunder Clash* Catskill - Thunder Mountain…Ski Area, Massachusetts** ".

Second to the last player introduced is a recruit who really is the same as Lucy, gloomy attitude and all. " **The Billie Eilish Formerly Known as Rebounder - Lamar Consolidated High School** ".

And finally, the crème de la crème of the East team is introduced. " **Lily Loud – PU** ".

Somewhere behind the scenes, Lynn Jr. is laughing out loud, unable to contain her gaggling sounds.


End file.
